Platform 9 3/4s

Yesterday marked the end of my daughter’s stay with us. As I stood on the railway platform with my eldest, waiting for her train to arrive and take her back home, I was overcome with those strange things you NT’s (Neurotypical’s) call emotions.

It’s been a very strange time as I haven’t had her to stay for quite a while, for a number of reasons, really,  I’m not very easy to relate to as a parent as I don’t honestly know how to be one. My wife (Mrs Bob) is better at being a parent, she, as an NT, has a brain better equipped to deal with all the problems that can and inevitably do arise with children, even grown up ones (especially grown up ones…)

I was very happy to have my daughter down to visit and stay with us. We have had some fun times and some not-so-fun times, and I realise that being a parent is hard for NTs and Aspies alike. Which I find very strange, as I thought that certain parts would be easier for me – like discipline, as I don’t have the emotional bit blurring the lines and can use pure logic. Alas, it’s not that way at all.  I find having to tell my kids off for serious things very difficult face to face. It’s mainly because I know you’re  supposed to shout and look cross, but I’m not sure how much shouting or how to make my face look cross. I find it much easier to actually discipline or tell people off by electronic form, ie text or email.  But that’s not great either, from a social angle.

I also find that I love my kids dearly, despite how much they wind me up and may hurt me.  It’s weird, because I know that I love them because all the signs are there. Yet when it comes to processing it, my brain gives me the message Error 404 emotion not found. I know I have often said to Mrs Bob that I feel Aspergers is a blessing, as I’m gifted with excellent memory, intelligence, etc, and none of this emotional nonsense to hold me back. But there are days when I would gladly trade it in for 24hrs to be able to feel and appreciate my children in the way that a normal person does. This truly is one of the hardest part of being a parent when you’re not a real boy….

Stay Safe X


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