Memento Mori (posted in May)

There are moments in everyone’s life that you will look back on and realise they were some epiphany or another. This weekend, I had a massive one, but before I tell you that, let’s start at the beginning.

For a few days now, I’ve been feeling a little under the weather. I have been having sharp, stabbing chest pains near my heart, but being a typical bloke and apparently quite stubborn, I refused to call the doctor and make an appointment. Finally, on Friday, I listened to my wife and decided that I really needed to see my doctor about it, so I made the appointment and thought nothing more about it.

The following day while I was at work, I began to feel very lethargic and my left arm and leg didn’t quite feel right, they felt weaker, and I was feeling slightly out of breath. However, I had a job to do so I said nothing, and decided to push on with the first part of my Saturday split shift. I left work and met Mrs Bob (who picks me up when I’m on a split) I said to her I didn’t feel too well and I tried to relax and not worry.

When I got home I decided to try and cool off by jumping in the shower, while Mrs Bob got my lunch ready. It was during this time that I became worse and started to find my breathing a struggle, so Mrs Bob called 111 for some advice.

They decided that my symptoms indicated that they should send an ambulance out to give me the once over. Unfortunately for me, after the paramedics had wired me up, they said I needed to be taken in to hospital for further tests. This meant a trip to A&E on a Saturday afternoon.

Once there, I had a couple of cannulas placed in my arm and it was bandaged up. I was wired up to machines, having bloods taken and finally an X-ray of my chest was taken before the results came back. It was thankfully not a heart attack or angina, but more likely it was pericarditis, which came as a relief to be honest. That means the sac surrounding my heart had got infected and possibly fluid had accumulated around it, putting my heart under pressure.

I was very happy to be released from the hospital and a very worried Mrs Bob drove me home. I was happy to be home with my family (Mrs Bob & Dog) as it meant I could sit in my recliner, do nothing and relax as instructed by the doctors. T’was while I was relaxing at home that I had this epiphany.

Even though I’m sure I was in no real physical danger, it’s events like this that make you realise a number of things. I am not getting any younger, despite my efforts to the contrary, and life is too short to hold grudges and hatred. The only person that gets hurt by that stuff is me. I want to look forward, not back, and not ruminate on things that have happened before. It’s also made me really appreciate what I have and not take it for granted. I want to live my wonderful life Mrs Bob and Dog, and enjoy every minute with them. I want to forgive and forget anyone who has hurt or wronged me and leave that in the past.

We all think that we are going to last forever, which is again, sadly, not true. Finally, when that final bell does toll, and we are reunited with loved ones that have gone before, I wondered how I will be remembered by those I hold dear. Have I done the best in life I can with the gifts and talents I have been given? How about you?

Stay Safe X

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