Courageous

To those who say that suicide is for cowards, I say this:

I’ve been asked many times
About any family mental health
Issues. I’m not depressed
Over a break up, nor is it a
Bad day. I can’t help it, or
Get over it, or cheer up.

It is, however, a neurological
Imbalance, triggered by just
One misplaced anxiety or
Fear. It’s real; it never gets
Easier with age. Crippling.
Bed ridden. Biochemistry.

Pushing away all those who
Love me; closing over my heart.
Brain whispering You’re broken;
They can’t fix you. Unable to see
Other perspectives. Conjuring
The weight of my past failures.

A fairground ride of feelings.
The highs and lows – an emotional
Rollercoaster with no destination.
Haunted house, skeletons in the
Closet. Roll up, roll up! Guess the
Weight of the emotional baggage.

It’s a desperate, debilitating issue
Falling into a hole. Rock-bottom.
Scared, alone, searching for help.
Medication labels reading
Like a magic spell. Teleporting
Me out of my darkest hour.

Coward I’m not. I’ve courage
In my convictions. I’ve danced with
Danger many times, insecurities
On a zip line; no harness, screaming.
Cowards lack the courage
To leave their life on their own terms.

(C)BobChristianpoetry

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