Cowards

First off, I’d like to say that this is something that I would not normally write about under any other circumstances. However, I felt that I needed to speak out about this now. Trigger warning – this covers domestic abuse.

For some time now, I have been receiving anonymous messages from an individual or individuals who have taken to hiding behind the anonymity that the Internet provides them. They have made various wrong and hurtful accusations, and whilst this has been quite stressful, I have managed to mostly laugh them off because I know that they’re completely untrue and this is just vile people thinking they’re funny. Unfortunately, though, the accusations became more serious and those of domestic abuse were repeatedly levelled at me. While the other accusations were relatively easy to ignore, as I knew they weren’t true, the allegations of abuse hit me where it hurt.

This is because many years ago, an ex partner reported me to the Police for similar things. Thankfully, I was able to prove beyond any doubt that I was innocent. The charges were dropped and the woman was arrested for wasting police time. So imagine my horror when, many years later, the cowards hiding behind anonymity that were trying so hard to frighten me, started to level similar allegations of abuse, and said that they had given statements to the police with proof of my alleged crimes.

I’m not a perfect guy by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve never claimed to be anything other than a good guy who tries his hardest to help those he can. So the fact that I went through hell for over a year due to allegations like this, has brought it all back to me. This has caused me nightmares, anxiety and restarted my PTSD symptoms, because I know what happens… they arrest first, then you have to prove your innocence. So I’ve tried to keep it together. The big thing keeping me going was knowing that my friends, family and my GF all knew it was not true and would defend me. But mud sticks if you throw enough of it and these guys were slinging a lot.

What I want to say the person/persons who are doing this is… I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to upset you so much that you feel so furious that you’ve tried to ruin my life. Yes, you’ve managed to get me angry and upset, but deep down I just pity you and your sad, pathetic excuse for a life. Why not be an adult and say it to me face to face or where you’re not hiding and I can reply to your accusations.

To those caught in the crossfire of these issues, I’m deeply sorry that any of you got caught in the blowback from this.

Stay safe x

Is speech really free?

BobChristianpoetry

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve come to the realisation that in this day and age of bloggers, YouTubers, influencers and all that jazz, that we live in an age where anyone, big or small, can have a voice, express opinions. etc. We really need to step back and think about what we’re doing more than ever. I mean, when I was in middle & high school I, alongside most of the kids, would either make fun of people or be the but of the bullying.

I, unfortunately, was the latter. My nicknames included Cheers Ears, Wingnut & mostly Pob because my ears stuck out. I’ve had plastic surgery to correct them, not for vanity but I couldn’t hear very well behind me. The only record of this and other things that were said is in the memories of those concerned. I doubt they’ll even remember it really. The point I’m making is that nowadays with Anti-Social media platforms being so popular that if it happened today, then someone could screen shot it, make it a meme … any number of things that once on the interwebs it’s difficult to remove them.

I myself have a responsibility in this respect, as I have a nice sized audience online. I would call on all of you to try to stop and think before you post something that could be misrepresented, misunderstood etc. You may think you’ve made yourself clear, you maybe angry at someone you don’t know on the net. Words can be taken a number of ways or your hurtful comment could be the final straw in someone’s struggle. I know we have free speech but let’s use it constructively.

I’ve been asked many times who I’m writing my scribbles about I’ve even had someone tell me to delete some because they (wrongly) thought it was about them. So I of all people should know that words have different meanings. Today however somebody took my words and went in a total two x two is six million tangent. It’s then that I realised after reading these hurtful words that maybe some people need to turn their tech off and reconnect with their humanity before it’s too late. It won’t deter me from interacting with all you lovely peeps, but it’s made me cautious

Stay Safe X

B W Christian

Digital Bridges,

By Bob W Christian

To all the victims of these ville creatures, i stand with you. While yelling fuck off back into the darkness you crawled out of you pathetic pos, to those who dwell under these digital bridges…

Once upon a time,
Fairytales told us that your
Kind hid under bridges;
Away from the decent
Folk in the kingdom.

Plotting your revenge;
Trying to crush our
Spirits; our dreams.
Hoping it will make
Your life feel whole.

Cloaked in your pain;
Sadness keeping you
Company while you lie
In wait; poised, ready to
Strike your next victim,

Feeding on each one.
Hoping that this meal
Will satisfy the hunger.
Filling the void where
Your heart should be.

Claws wrapping around
Each of your intended
Victims, while they
Desperately plead for
Deliverance from you.

Parents unable to protect
Their precious young ones.
Monsters no longer lurk
In cupboards or under beds;
Now, they’re much closer.

Times have changed.
Your kind have swapped your
Clip-clop bridges for basements
With Wi-Fi; trying to destroy
All our happy ever afters.

Just Stop.

(C) BobChristianpoetry

Our Little Secret

By Bob W Christian

This is a very touchy subject, it’s also one that people feel uncomfortable having, which can lead to self harm even suicide. I myself am a survivor & as such I wished I’d spoken out at the time. Silence Is what these creatures depend on, so while you may feel like you can’t tell anyone, you’ll thank yourself in the future. BC x

Hearts is racing, it’s beating,
Trying to escape My chest.
Fighting to breathe, trying

To catch my breath, it slips
Through sweat drenched
Palms. I can’t calm down

I’m terrified. Although you,
Maybe unable to see, it’s
Eating away at me, slowly

Clamps it’s hands over my
Lips. Forcing me to silence,
So I can never speak out.

About
The things you did

(C)BobChristianpoetry

Verbal Surgery

By Bob W Christian

In a darkened room I sit
The tools of my trade
Precisely laid out like
Scalpels before a surgeon.

Even if they are not physical,
They have the same effect;
Cutting, healing maybe,
Sometimes even saving a life.

What are these tools of mine?
How can they do such things?
Much more than a pen; my words are
Sharper than any knife you’ll know.


(C)BobChristianpoetry

Cheer Up

My thoughts upon hearing someone tell me to “Cheer up”

1) Fuck off.

2) If I had a pound for every time I’ve heard that, I could afford that one therapy session that finally works.

3) Why do you say this stupid phrase? It’s as messed up and idiotic as telling someone to walk off a broken ankle.

4) If you want to question my thoughts and feelings, like you know my whole story, then don’t bother. Not everything can be solved with the phrase CHEER UP.

5) You cannot pray me out of this neurochemical state of depression and anxiety with some magical words. If it were scientifically possible, don’t you think I’d have tried that?

6) CHEER UP. Sorry, what’s that? I just need to get out more and party? How? By holding aloft my magic bottle and chanting the magical words CHEER UP I’m suddenly transformed into PARTY MAN? A happy, more confident, less anxious version of me?

7) How many men, women and sadly children must attempt to or sadly take their own lives before we realise that a cocktail of chemicals and that great verbal anti-depressant CHEER UP doesn’t work. We need real conversations not medications.

Shadow Boxing

Shadow boxing by Bob W Christian

Shadow Boxing

Ladies and gentlemen
Tonight’s main event,
A hardcore, no-holds
Barred match. The
Winner, decided by
Pin-fall or submission.

Cowering in the red
Corner. Me, weighing
In at 210lbs, only if
You don’t count life’s
Problems, constantly
Weighing me down.

The challenger tonight,
Weighing in at sometimes
More than I’m able
To bear. Hailing from
The darkness inside
My mind… Depression.

(C)BobChristianpoetry

Anxiety

Anxiety by Bob W Christian

There’s a demon
Inside my head.
I see him, hiding
In a dark corner
Of my mind.

Lurking, his blood
Red eyes, he’s hungry;
Waiting to be fed.
Once again, slowly
Stalking me.

Desperate, hungry.
Feeding off the pitch
Black darkness, pain
I’ve got hidden deep
Within me.

Consuming every last
Bit of light within me,
Until he wins, and I’m
Completely lost to my
Demons.

(C)BobChristianpoetry

Back Soon

I will be taking a hiatus from my website & the associated social media platforms connected to my professional account, for a short while. Thank you to all of you for the love and support you’ve shown me. I’ll see you all when I return.
Bob W Christian
BobChristianPoetry

Open letter to B

This is an open letter to the lady of Christian faith who emailed Mrs Bob & myself to tell us how lost we were and destined for the tired old rhetoric of fire, brimstone and damnation.

I’m a patient person, who has studied many faiths and beliefs. I’ve read the holy scriptures of most religions, out of curiosity and understanding. Unfortunately, though, I have no patience whatsoever for people like you, who blindly attacked my beliefs, based on a total misconception and ignorance of what they actually are.

We do not worship the Devil, nor are we evil or lost souls as you may have been led to believe by your big book of fairy tales. Actually, quite the opposite is true of those who truly follow Wicca or paganism, or any of what are known as the Old Traditions. We are generally a peaceful group, who celebrate all life, seeing it as sacred in its many diverse forms.

A lot of the values you have been taught as a Christian were adopted or stolen from our beliefs hundreds of years ago. I am not trying to make you angry, but it is an easily documented and historical fact that Paganism, Witchcraft and the nature-based religions pre-date Christianity by several thousand years.

All Gods are One God; all Goddesses are One Goddess, all faiths of the divine are One faith. It is by striving to live ones life with truth, honour, integrity and respect for all that exists within our lives that we hope achieve a true connection to the divine.

Regardless of the name we give that supreme creative force for purposes of association, the essence of the divine remains unchanged. Humanity has simply associated the divine by different names according to the cultural background or experiences of the people following that particular belief.

As a nature-based belief, we see the divine not as some distant unobtainable force realised only at the end of life’s journey, but as a tangible connective energy which flows through everything around us here and now. As a scientist and engineer, this makes perfect sense to me. I don’t need wait until i die to obtain a heaven because it can be found in the magick of everything around us p, if we allow ourselves to be in tune with it.

If you tell me that I follow a false God because I find connection to the divine through nature, you are talking about the same God you follow and are contradicting the teachings of your own bible. Did God not create the whole of nature, and is divine energy and presence not within it? Instead of seeking the divine in a building, we choose to seek the divine within the mysteries and wonders of nature which the divine created. For myself and many others of the old faiths, the presence of the divine is much stronger within the forests, mountains or at the ocean than it could ever be within a building. If you do not know this, it has been too long since you sat and quietly felt divine presence in those settings.

Considering all this, I ask you, dear lady, why are you convinced that I am so evil? Why are you so afraid of me? Are we really that different, or is it that you simply rush to hypocritically judge without knowing who we are and what we’re truly about? Again, you are going against your precious book “judge not lest ye be judged yourself”

I followed the Christian path myself for a number of years. It was because of the intolerance and hypocrisy I encountered that led me to seek a different path. So in that respect, I have walked your path but found it contradictory. Have you walked in my path?

I still believe in a divine force, I just choose to seek it in other ways, ones that don’t promote hatred, intolerance and prejudice of others who seek the divine differently. If it works for you, and all your spiritual needs are complete through it, then I’m happy for you. It just didn’t ever work for me.