Yesterday was a very busy day for me as Wednesdays usually are.  You see, I’m up first thing to go to an English class in the morning. I know – with such eloquent grammatical stylings, why do I need to go? This last term was ok as we had a small class and I had just about got used to the people there which is a big deal for me. Then this semester the class has grown exponentially and only two people from the old class remain. The rest of the class is made up of a strange mix of old and young who all for whatever reason didn’t get the grade in English they wanted or needed. I’m really struggling with them so far but keep going back as I want to be able to write welk and use grammar correctly for my written work.

If I could achieve this goal, then my long suffering wife, Mrs Bob, would not have to rewrite my business emails and my website posts for me. She does all this, in some cases totally rewriting an entire article. Alongside which, she has completely proofed and retyped my book to make it look professional without complaining once . (NB Mrs Bob does not proofread this blog at all) she has been a tremendous rock of support with all my projects and crazy hair-brained schemes and I’d like to let her have some time off.

I digress a little.  After class, it’s back home, grab some lunch and then off to work. I finished early from work and walked home looking forward to a nice home cooked meal and some quality time with my wife. I really don’t see her on Wednesdays, what with school and work, so I take any bit of time with her when I can on days like this.

Mrs Bob had a pleasant surprise waiting for me when I arrived home. Not only was there a fantastic home cooked meal (brains, looks and culinary skills – she has it all), but there was a small brown package addressed to me on the dining room table. When I opened it my heart melted completely. This was the very first proof copy of my book, hardback and all professional-looking. My wife had with all her hard work made my silly dream become a physical tangible reality.

If you want you can check it out yourself with the link below.

Behind the Mask

Stay Safe X

I’m so freaking unbelievably happy today due to the stars aligning yesterday,  I was expecting an important package to be delivered on Monday and it turned out that it was going to be arriving between 1440-1540hrs.  This was going to pose a problem for me, as both me and Mrs Bob would be out at work. So it looked like I would have to miss out maybe? This was not the case because as I tracked my package it was running very late and then my phone app came to life to let me know my wife had left her client and so the (virtual) race was on….. Fortunately for me, Mrs Bob made it back home with plenty of time to spare and she signed for it.

Work was very quiet and I was so very, very excited that my new toy had arrived and I had lots of free time the next day to set it up and get it all running properly. I was home by 20.30 and I saw the box in my front room but had to leave it alone. This was the hardest thing ever, as I had a new toy but couldn’t open it. Kind of like a Christmas present scenario!  So I had my tea and spent some time upstairs relaxing with some TV and my wife, doing the whole “how was your day?” conversation.

This morning was like Christmas Day.  I was woken up by my wife at ridiculous o’clock, so I carried out the morning routine:  coffees in bed etc, and then it began… I removed my old games console (did I say my package was a new games console?) disconnecting a plethora of wires and cables. Then, cleaning and polishing the area before the real fun began, I was so excited but I had to do this properly and read instructions rather than rush ahead. Then came the excitement of finally turning it on and the inevitable set up.

This was where I struggle with things to be honest. I’ve spent 4 years with a games console and got it set it up the way I wanted with all my TVs streaming services in a place I could find them all. I play one game online and that’s it. The new system was different and everything was in strange and unusual places and not where I remembered them. This caused a lot of panic and frustration. Once I had got the system configured and I fought my way through this. I fired up a new version of my favourite game. Suddenly the graphics and gameplay etc were fantastic and really immersed me in a new but familiar world. This more than enough to make me forget the fact I couldn’t completely get to grips with my new console. Well I’m off to my favourite fictional place – Los Santos – to relax in my familiar world.

Stay Safe X

Well it’s been a strange couple of days for me. An emotional roller coaster that has left me drained. After the devastation of Friday (see My Friend Amica) that saw me lose my best feline friend.

I had managed to keep myself together and deal with these pesky things you NTs call emotions. The downside to this situation is that my wife, Mrs Bob, who is an NT, has really been emotional about the loss of Ami, unfortunately I find that I cannot deal with emotional people. Even when it’s my wife, I’m not really able to empathise with them and find myself getting angry as a result.

Anyway,  yesterday I woke with the beginnings of a migraine, but had to be at work in the afternoon. That was not meant to be, it would seem, as about an hour before work I felt queasy and was sick. This followed by a headache that lasted all night and left me bed-ridden. I think that the reason I have a migraine is due to the emotional stress of the last few days.

Sunday I awoke after a very good night’s sleep, this is something that I haven’t had for a while, due to a number of reasons. Mrs Bob decided that she wanted to go out today as we hadn’t left the house since we took Ami to the vets. She had decided that a trip over the border to Cornwall was on the cards.

We arrived at Lusty Glaze and it was a really warm day and kept threatening to rain. We spent a while walking down the never ending staircase down the cliff. This expedition rewarded us with a beautiful secluded beach surrounded by cliffs. Even though it was enclosed by cliffs the sun shone down and we had a lovely carefree time. We even managed a few laughs and smiles.

While we were the Mrs Bob suggested that we grab a bite to eat. We sat looking out to sea and had a meal, while discussing our good friend Ami and celebrating her life and habits. This was a nice way to end the weekend and a beautiful way to remember and reflect over the last few days.

Stay Safe X

This has to be the hardest thing ever over had to write so please forgive me if its not up to my usual standards. Let’s start at the very beginning shall we (usually the best way) some years ago I lost my furry friend (cat) of 19 years, and while I was devastated by the loss of a constant companion. I after a time felt that it was time to move forward with my life and I decided I wanted to share my house with another companion of the feline variety and make it a home once again.

I went to a local rescue shelter for a number of reasons. One my last cat had been a rescue cat that my mother had chosen. Two I want to give a shelter cat  a loving forever home. Three I refuse to pay people who breed cats for their own financial gain. I knew what I wanted from the shelter but was pretty certain that they wouldn’t have what I wanted. As my last cat was a pure black, British short haired I was looking for another black cat so share my house with me. Surprisingly as they told me they struggle to house black cats, either cat owners are superstitious or racist I’m not sure which.

While looking at many beautiful felines and really wanting to give them all a home one particular cat caught my eye. She was a black short haired cat with one very strange feature. Her right eye was not like a normal cats eye it was almost a like a marbled effect. This particular cat was very happy to see me and came to say hello every time I visited. I decided that this cat called Cayene was the one for me as she had chosen me. The staff had told me that this little lady had been overlooked a lot because of her “freaky eye” and was soon to be moved to the lifers unit. This is not as daunting as it seems it was basically a licence to free roam the grounds and a large shed full toys and cat beds.

We brought our new little one to her new home and she seemed very happy if somewhat quiet. I changed her name to Amica (shortened to Ami) as it is Latin for old or dear friend and since she looked like my previous feline house mate it seemed to fit. She took a while to fit in and was extremely shy with strangers to begin with and we came to an unwritten agreement. She wasn’t keen on being picked up, so I didn’t pick her up this worked well and we got on brilliantly.

Ami then ended having another feline house mate a little runt of the litter black cat who we called Lawrencium as I couldn’t call him Lawrence after my old cat but wanted to. So I used my love of science to give little man a cool name that was an original name but also an homage to my old cat. The pair got on quiet well Ami was kept slightly younger by being chased round by Lawrencium and she kept the little tear away in check at times. This continued for some years until I met a wonderful woman who (Spoiler Alert!!!) was to become the now Mrs Bob and we started talking about houses.

Mrs Bob was kind enough to let Ami, Lawrencium & myself move into and share her beautiful house. This was just perfect for them and myself we were a small and very happy family we all got along and argued at times like any family does. All three of us loved the fantastically easy going Devon lifestyle until tragedy struck when Lawrencium was taken to the vets for a routine blood work up as he was seemingly out of sorts. We then received a phone call to say that Lawrencium had become stressed and suffered a fatal heart attack while the vets were taking bloods. The vets did everything they could to revive him but to no avail.

We were of course devastated by this news but we later found out that as he was the runt he also had a heart issue and would have burnt very brightly for a short time anyway. This now meant there was just the three of us and Ami was by now getting on in years and enjoyed our company (when it suited her) some time later (2 years) Ami then was taken ill with an apparent eye infection in her good (normal) eye and had an operation to try to save her eye. This was unfortunately not to be and her eye had to be removed. Throughout all this Ami never complained or got stressed about loosing her eye and in fact adjusted and coped very well with the change.

Then last year Ami began to have problems with her eye and had to have major specialist surgery to have the lense removed. We were warned that the surgery could have a number of complications. Loosing her remaining eye or never recovering. Like the little fighter she was she came through with her eye intact. Albeit minus a lense and yet again she was very stoic throughout the whole ordeal and soon was pottering around the house and occasionally bumping into things but generally in good spirits. She had to have three sets of drops twice a day but so long as she got her chicken and rice (nom nom nom) she was a very happy and purry cat.

Ami has been our one eyed fur-ball and house companion for a long time and has given Mrs Bob & myself a great amount of happiness and laughter. She has even managed to comfort Mrs Bob just by being there for her. We even play cat tennis with her as she has a habit of sleeping on either one of us, we then move her and she gets on the respective other person. Unfortunately of late her health has started to get a little worse her eyesight is going and she spends lots of time yowling for no reason. She Is drinking lots and sleeps nearly all the time.Sadly last night Ami became more distressed than usual and we at 2300 called the vets for some advice and were asked to bring her in at 0900 as they suspected a kidney problem and wanted to run some blood tests.

It was after much discussion with Mrs Bob through the night that we came to the very difficult decision to not put her through the the stress of a blood test. Meaning having to say goodbye to my feline best friend. We made her comfortable during the night and I spent a lot of time chatting with the old girl. Over our adventures together and the mischief we have caused during our time. She has and always will be my friend and I wanted to make her happy. This morning we had a family cuddle and got some video and pictures and got everything ready for her final journey. As it was on her arrival into my life (and the county) I drove her and then carried her to the vets for her journey to Rainbow Bridge.

So this morning I took my oldest and dearest friend on their final journey and said thank you for all the memories they have allowed me to share with them and goodbye. I held her paw and stroked her gently as she slipped away to join her younger brother Lawrencium.

We returned home and started the task of informing people cancelling appointments etc. During this time I was on my way downstairs when I happened to see my dear friend at the bottom of the stairs. Then later on while we were sat upstairs we heard a meow from downstairs as if to say “Mummy & Daddy I’m home”.

Stay Safe X

Things are coming along nicely now with my book’s revised edition. I have almost got everything in place to send to the publishers. The cover design is looking great it’s going to have a picture of me (yes, yes it’s a bit egocentric) but drawn in the style of Family Guy. The back is a logo my graphic designer came up with.

Front Cover Art

Back Cover Art

As you can see, the graphic designer came up with a beautiful set of logos and I’m so happy with them. Also, I’m looking at producing a hardback version of the book as well, because this will be the final (ultimate) edition. I may keep writing my scribbles but will possibly only share them on my blog or on the Scriggler website. This is because I’m now going to focus on my Blog (and eventually maybe publish my ramblings as a second book) and maybe create a podcast. I’ve set up a podcast account with pod bean but not taken it any further,  I’m looking for names for my podcast at the moment please feel free to suggest some Aspergerspoet@gmail.com,

Stay Safe X

I was clearing out my office today and happened upon my old Book of Shadows. (A Book of Shadows is a book containing texts and instructions for magical rituals found within the Neopagan religion of Wicca.) While flicking through the book, I discovered a piece of work from 2009 that I had written but had all but forgotten. I have sent it to Mrs Bob to proofread.

So I’m sat in a coffee shop with a latte, Ipad and a book, typing it up. I look like a pretentious, hipster – a wannabe writer. So I had an idea – why not give my readers a sneak peak at my process? So here is the unedited piece and then when I release my book in about two weeks,  you can see the final polished edited piece.

So here is my reworking of the original text (see picture)

Goodbye Old Friend

I have loved you from the day we found you
You have been a good friend for many years *
Now is the time for us part ways and say goodbye
It’s not a farewell, It’s a till we meet again
I could never let you suffer or bear to see you in pain
Your body no longer holds you back now you’re free
Run to the bridge and play with the others,

I’m sure I will see you out of the corner of my eye
A ghostly shadow in the darkened room
That other worldly noise from the empty space
You live forever in my memories and that special place in my heart
Because I loved you so dearly I had to finally set you free *
Before I do please let me hold you one last time
To say thank you and goodnight old friend.

Dedicated to all our furry friends that have gone before.

Today has taught me a very valuable lesson.

I consider myself to be somewhat lucky.  I have a near eidetic memory  – I can recall any number of facts and figures with amazing precision, I have a high IQ, and I’m  an extremely fast learner. I find my my brain works faster and more logically than most of your garden variety Neurotypicals…  basically my brain is more like a computer than a brain.

This is all well and good, but when it comes to emotional conversations and dealing with day to day things. My logical and very analytical way of looking at things can cause me all kinds of problems. You see, at times I see things in the world in a very black and white way. An almost regimented, right or wrong way and this kind of thinking can frustrate most people. The most affected are those wonderful people that are especially close to me. It can almost seem like I’m deliberately trying to annoy them and that I’m stupid. As a result of this, I can seem to do some seemingly stupid things because of my mind’s rigid views on things.

Let me try to put it in simpler terms

You know when you’re on the motorway and everybody moves along like a dance: merging, exiting, changing lanes. There’s moving over for a lorry. There’s moving away if you’re blocking someone who wants to go faster than you. There are all kinds of unwritten rules we stick to in order to not run each other over.

The Aspergers car is the one on cruise control at exactly the speed limit. Technically, that’s what everyone is supposed to do, but there are a million scenarios where if you refuse to slow down or speed up, you actually make everyone else’s life hell.

But there’s no way to tell that annoying car, “Hey, you’re breaking the law,” (because they’re not) and you can’t tell them, “Hey, you’re being inconsiderate,” (because they’ll say, “Well, that merging car could have slowed down until I got by.”) You can’t tell that car, “Hey, there are some unwritten rules you’re not paying attention to.” (They’ll say like what? And then they will argue.)  does this make any sense?

Stay Safe X

I have finally got the logos I wanted for the book, page, podcast etc. I wondered what you guys thought?

What a couple of days it’s been for me, I’m absolutely shattered and enjoying a few hours downtime. I managed to get home very late from work, and with very sore feet to Mrs Bob.  After spending time eating tea, relaxing and doing some work it was gone 01.00am, so I decided to try to get some sleep as I had to be back on the early shift in the morning.

I have now got time to put my feet up while I toy with a few ideas regarding my blog, social media etc. I am considering doing a podcast as well as my blogging etc. I need to consult with a few of my closest friends, as I have a tendency to make rash and sometimes bad decisions. So stay tuned and watch this space.

Stay Safe X

What can I say about today…? It began with a very unusual lie-in until 09.15, which is very unusual for me. I’m usually awake and out of bed by around 07.30-08.30, much to the annoyance of Mrs Bob, and making us a coffee. It’s kinda my routine:  get up make us both a coffee, chat and then make myself some breakfast. This had a knock on effect, as it meant that I felt like I was playing catch up.  On top of this, I’ve not been feeling 100% physically.

First stop on my fun-packed day off was a trip to the dentist. I, like most people (I’m guessing) hate going to the dentist. For me it’s a lot of things – going to somewhere I don’t like being, having to sit in a waiting room with all the other people as they try to make eye contact and small talk, And they think you’re rude when you can’t converse with them. I don’t like all the strange smells and sounds – the whole place smells very clean and disinfected, which I normally wouldn’t mind, but this is over the top clean-smelling. The sounds are something else too, Lights, air conditioning, water coolers, etc, but then there is the sound of the dental tools which makes me very nervous. That’s before I have even seen the dentist himself  with his latex gloves, the prodding, scraping and polishing and all the while expecting small talk. You can see why I don’t like it.

Then home for a quick bite to eat and pick my cat up. I’ve had her for so long she is part of the family.  I got her from an animal shelter as no one wanted her as she had a weird looking eye and is black and no one wants black cats for some reason. I’m not sure if is superstition or a colour thing. She is nearly 15 years old has only one eye and is very clingy. I have to take her to see the vet every 6 months just to make sure she is doing ok. This was not too bad, as the waiting room was empty and free of dogs… did I mention I have a phobia of dogs?  The cat got the all clear and has been given some blood pressure tablets. We are still worried about her though.

So after all that, I’ve managed to get a little relaxation time, cleaning my car, a lovely meal with Mrs Bob, some online gaming and finished off with a nice hot bath and a podcast.

Stay Safe X