By Bob W Christian


I wish I could go back to
When you didn’t even
Know my name. Now I’m
Trapped a nightmare.

Sleepless nights leave
Me constantly burnt out.
Thought I’d be happy, that
It’d cure my depression .

Watching my Illness in
Real time, I can’t lie.
Miss when time, felt
Like it was truly mine.

I’m sick of it all, you’re
Waiting for me to
Relapse, fall back
Into being the old me.

Made up your minds
Before even seeing
The way I am now, tired
Insecure, dying daily.

I miss when I didn’t
Have my therapist
On speed dial, scared
To explain how I feel.

Instead! I’ll reach for
A tablet, while you’re
Poking holes, instead
Of letting me float.

(C) BobChristianpoetry


First off, I’d like to say that this is something that I would not normally write about under any other circumstances. However, I felt that I needed to speak out about this now. Trigger warning – this covers domestic abuse.

For some time now, I have been receiving anonymous messages from an individual or individuals who have taken to hiding behind the anonymity that the Internet provides them. They have made various wrong and hurtful accusations, and whilst this has been quite stressful, I have managed to mostly laugh them off because I know that they’re completely untrue and this is just vile people thinking they’re funny. Unfortunately, though, the accusations became more serious and those of domestic abuse were repeatedly levelled at me. While the other accusations were relatively easy to ignore, as I knew they weren’t true, the allegations of abuse hit me where it hurt.

This is because many years ago, an ex partner reported me to the Police for similar things. Thankfully, I was able to prove beyond any doubt that I was innocent. The charges were dropped and the woman was arrested for wasting police time. So imagine my horror when, many years later, the cowards hiding behind anonymity that were trying so hard to frighten me, started to level similar allegations of abuse, and said that they had given statements to the police with proof of my alleged crimes.

I’m not a perfect guy by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve never claimed to be anything other than a good guy who tries his hardest to help those he can. So the fact that I went through hell for over a year due to allegations like this, has brought it all back to me. This has caused me nightmares, anxiety and restarted my PTSD symptoms, because I know what happens… they arrest first, then you have to prove your innocence. So I’ve tried to keep it together. The big thing keeping me going was knowing that my friends, family and my GF all knew it was not true and would defend me. But mud sticks if you throw enough of it and these guys were slinging a lot.

What I want to say the person/persons who are doing this is… I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to upset you so much that you feel so furious that you’ve tried to ruin my life. Yes, you’ve managed to get me angry and upset, but deep down I just pity you and your sad, pathetic excuse for a life. Why not be an adult and say it to me face to face or where you’re not hiding and I can reply to your accusations.

To those caught in the crossfire of these issues, I’m deeply sorry that any of you got caught in the blowback from this.

Stay safe x