This weekend, I came across some frightening and shocking statistics about suicide. 800,000 people a year take their own lives. That’s a life every 40 seconds.

This reminded me of a podcast I had done about suicide a while back. It is a very dark subject, but is, nevertheless, one that we really need to start discussing, rather than brushing it under the carpet and pretending it doesn’t happen.

The fact is that suicide is the most common cause of death for men aged between 20-49. This is all males, not just autistic males, but over 60% of newly-diagnosed autistic adults report contemplating taking their own life.

These figures are so awful. We are starting to talk about mental health in general, but more needs to be done to help people away from that awful end. To know that they are not alone.

It inspired me to put pen to paper. Although it might not directly help anyone, you never know. And it’s my way of sorting things out in my own head too.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you my latest scribble.

Gone

According to recent statistics, 800,000

People die a year at their own hand.

That’s a life lost every forty seconds…

Swallowed by a darkness they can’t escape.

A voice silenced, while screaming for help.

While constantly being told that mental health 

Isn’t a polite topic of family conversation.

That little voice keeping you awake at night…

It’s insomnia driving you to that final sleep.

Trying to craft the right words to explain why.

Carefully planning a departure on your terms.

The ‘phone call your loved ones will receive

In the early hours. Life, like a clock, keeps 

Counting down the lives, every forty seconds.

(C) Bob Christian 2020

Yesterday I did something that I’ve never done before or thought I would. I used my platform on social media. To publicly attack someone for a something that was said. I know I’m being vague but I’m not bringing it back up.

The original post on my timeline was deleted by them and I deleted the post across my social media presence. I have since apologised to that person on the phone away from all this circus and resolved the issue. Unfortunately during this aforementioned fuster cluck other people joined in saying things on this public forum about Mrs Bob that we’re completely untrue and very hurtful.

I would therefore like to ask that they follow my example and begin to the process of reconciliation by apologising for what was said in anger. I’m not saying it needs to be public far from it in fact. I’d rather this was a private thing.

All this aside yesterday taught me a valuable lesson. It’s all very well having a public image, voice and presence on the stage that is the interwebz. You just have to be mindful of the things you say or do as the world is watching and waiting for you to make a mistake. When you do it’s a very unforgiving place. There is a place and time for everything.

Stay Safe X

Allow me to introduce myself to you.

These are the results of historical,

Psychological, emotional and physical

Abuse. My brain should be fried, after

Drink, street and prescription drugs.

Issues hiding for years up in here.

Squatting inside this dark cranium.

Therapists have tried evicting ’em,

Seemed like I was stuck with them.

Then someone came, shedding light.

Thanks to her, I’ve got those answers

I’d been searching for. Closure. New

Beginnings – an identity I can relate

To. Atypical, not neurotypical, bitches.

I’d faced persecution, snake oil cures.

I’ve heard fucked up shit about 5G,

Inside jobs like 9/11, faked moon landing,

It’s nothing on the latest “cause” of my

Neurocondition. Not vaccines this time,

Pealing bells, marriage vows caused it.

I’d love to see the data to back it up.

You’ve none? Why am I not surprised…

Back the fuck up, I’ll stack the facts up,

If not for her I’d be broken, toking, getting

Off my head, shipwrecked, washed up.

I’m a gentleman now, with a brotherhood.

Stood, took my oaths, raised in the third

Degree, wrote four books. This success a result of

Teamwork. A bond you’ll never break, trust me.

Smarter people tried and failed. We prevailed.

It’s that time of year when we’re supposed to be selfless…forgive, forget, and be thankful or thoughtful of those that might not be doing as well as we are. This is paired with a massive spike in consumerism within the retail industry. The service industry in general sees an upturn in trade. In some establishments, the daily takings could double, even quadruple at this time of year.

Christmas (or Socially Awkward Annual Gift Day as I prefer to call it) in the Christian household is not really a big, long, drawn-out affair. This is due to the fact that I work in a busy, famous, riverside pub-restaurant in rural South Devon, and I was working every day except Christmas Day and the following Sunday. So, we made the most of a day off together and while the world sat around waiting patiently to see if they’d received this year’s must -have, short lived fad, Mrs Bob & me video-called our daughter and granddaughter to wish them a very happy Christmas. Our granddaughter has just turned 2-years-old and is getting very talky, so it was great fun to be able to interact with her and her mum and dad on Christmas Day.

We also went to our favourite beach, as we have done every Christmas Day since I first met Mrs Bob. It’s our tradition, and it turned out that this year we weren’t the only ones. It was full of well-meaning, well-wishing people and many zillions of happy pups zooming around. If I had a pound for every greeting of “Merry Christmas” I’d have £30-35 or thereabouts. Look, I know you’re only trying to be festive and nice to a rather gangly, socially awkward bi-ped, so I’m not going to get grumpy like some autistic Grinch. Just please note that I won’t respond with the same because …. any number of reasons. I can’t speak to strangers as it takes a while to process, then to form a response that won’t offend them then deliver it… oh wait, the moment’s passed and I now seem rude or moody. Or I’m just having a stuttering non-verbal issue and I’m self-conscious. Mrs Bob did all the smiling, greetingy stuff for both of us, so all was well.

We took the usual selfie with the sea and took time to breathe and centre ourselves before driving home. The rest of the day was spent at home, just the two of us, and Dog. If it seems strange to do that, it’s because I was only off Christmas Day and wanted to make the most of a day and night alone with Mrs Bob. This meant a glorious roast turkey, all the trimmings, mince pies and rum, plus the usual gift exchange and falling asleep in front of the Christmas TV movie.

I also decided that this year that I would video-call my parents, as my sister and mother were together and I could both see and hear them. I normally see my mum once a year in Devon, and due to my work commitments that is usually it. This year that hasn’t happened – I’ve talked to them on text or ‘phone, but haven’t seen them for a while and it’s even longer since I’ve seen my sister. All I know is that my niece and nephew have grown up so much that I hardly recognise them. My dad was elbow deep in the pot-washing, and the ladies had found wine, so everyone seemed very happy. This was a big thing for me, though, because I’ve found it hard to maintain a relationship with them due to distance, my work, plus lots of other factors. I got very anxious doing the call and I’m sure I came across weird, but at least I did it.

Work will be busy this week and it will continue until after new year. Then it slows down and I can finally go back to having two days off together to recuperate after five straight days of peopling. I can also look forward to a week off in late January for a special event, but that will be another adventure I’ll tell you next year.

I hope that your 2020 will be everything and anything you want it to be. Mrs Bob, Dog Dog’s Twitter and myself would like to thank you for following our exploits on here and social media over the year. Happy New Year to all.

Stay Safe X

We will see you next year.

So a short time ago I was approached (private message) on Instagram by a page called Autism Connect saying they loved what I was doing and saying.

“Hey, we really liked what you’ve done with your profile, and we’re happy to see that you’re equally enthusiastic about spreading Autism Awareness & encouraging acceptance, as we are. Ours is a parent & professional run community of over 10,000 followers across our Social Media, and our sole mission is to create a more inclusive world for autistic children through these channels.

How do you feel about contributing to our Blogs as an Autism parent? We’d love to share with our community, what you dish out through your contributions, and hope you do the same for our posts, by sharing them on your social media!

Do get back to us to know more. Meanwhile, you can also go through our Blog Section.”

I was obviously very flattered, as it’s not often this happens, so I decided to check out their website. Autism Connect Homepage

It was only then that I started to notice warning signs, such as some of the therapy and treatments they recommend, including ABA therapy. For those of you who don’t know what Applied Behavioural Analysis, is allow me to explain.

In the early 1900’s, B.F. Skinner was working on the technology of conditioning. He wrote a landmark book called The Behavior of Organisms, describing the paramaters for the field of Behaviour Analysis. His studies on rats and pigeons changed how we view learning in animals today. But it was two of his graduate students, Keller and Marian Breland, who applied that research to widespread practical use. In 1947, they started a hugely successful business called Animal Behavior Enterprises, with the goal of demonstrating that there’s a better, scientific, technological way of training animals through rewarding correct behaviours.

Fast forward to 1961, and psychologist Ivar Lovaas began work at UCLA on the treatment of autism. He developed Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Therapy in the 1970s. His original approach was developed from a technique called Discrete Trial Training (DTT).  The idea behind this is based on the original animal training through positive reinforcement.

It consists of three components:

1) the teacher’s instruction,

2) the child’s response (or lack of response) to the instruction,

3) the consequence, which is the teacher’s reaction in the form of positive reinforcement, “Yes, great!” when the response is correct, or a gentle “no” if it is incorrect.

ABA Therapy and DTT are both based on the finding that when behaviour is rewarded, it is more likely to be repeated.

So when I learnt that this potential partnership was with a site that agreed with and promoted ABA, I decided to look further. Some well-meaning sites have ABA links on them, but are not aware of the damage this therapy has on children. So I chatted with someone from the site live chat. We’ll call her Polly. I claimed to be a parent looking at therapy for a child, and low and behold, I was told about ABA. When I asked if it was safe and effective, Polly said “our therapists have found it both safe and effective.”

This was enough for me to realise that this is not a website I want to have links with, due to my views on this controversial form of therapy. On some sites it is claimed to “cure children of the symptoms of ASD”.

So, I have declined the offer explaining my views as an autistic adult. Thank you but no thank you, I may want to team up with partners like I have with Mental Movement, to raise awareness and my profile within the autism community. I just won’t sell out on my principles to do so.

Stay Safe X

I recently read an article about certain labels, often used to describe the Autism Spectrum, and why they shouldn’t be used.

I’ve heard so many different ways to describe Autism and Asperger’s. They are all, at best, wrong, and at worst, severely damaging. Some of these labels include, but aren’t limited to: high-functioning, mild autism and autism light, like it’s the diet version of Autism or something equally stupid.

The reason that these are wrong is simple. I have a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, and I now function pretty well in circumstances where I’m comfortable. Yet if you had met me many years ago, in my youth … when I was at my lowest … I would have been either unable to communicate with you, or had very impaired communication and social interaction. I sometimes exhibited some very bizarre and risky behaviour, I was rarely able to sleep, or was sleeping at the wrong times, and sometimes became very aggressive. I self-medicated with alcohol and prescription and street drugs. Frequent self-injury resulted in my waking up in the resuscitation room of my local hospital on more than one occasion. I’m glad those days seem to be in the past, now.

Yet in more recent years, you would find that, I’m quite sociable and have a very demanding and intense public-facing job, Despite this, I still have great difficulty in communicating effectively and interpreting how or what others are thinking or feeling. I really can struggle badly with facial expressions, body language and social cues. I also struggle to regulate my own emotions, but I’ve learned to channel this into my writing. I really love repetition and routine. I also have a very big love of science, mainly quantum mechanics and geek culture, including going to conventions and interviewing some big names.

Why have I told you all this? Well, if you just looked at or met me when I had the first set of behaviours and symptoms you would probably say I had low-functioning autism. Whereas if you met me today, you would maybe say that I’m a bit eccentric or have a form of high-functioning autism. The fact is that I am me.. the same me as I was then, and I now have a diagnosis of Asperger’s or Autism Spectrum Disorder. That should be sufficient, without putting “functioning” labels on it because as the above proves, it’s a spectrum. As such, we can find ourselves at varying points on the spectrum at certain times in our lives. I am Autistic – that’s it – my functioning level can and always will vary depending on external situations and stimuli.

In short, labels go on food cans, not people.

Stay Safe X

Here we have a remix of a piece I wrote years ago for my anthology, Scribblology V2.

I decided to look at it again, and re-evaluate it. Bring it up to date. So here it is. I hope you enjoy it, but do let me know what you think.

Stay Safe X

Estate of Mind (2019 Remix)

Bob W Christian

Take a walk down a dark memory lane with me…

A nightmare experiment on social deprivation.

These ends have seen better days; boys from

Eton messed up – screwed us over for a profit.

Calling us drunks, criminals, feckless idiots,

Looking down from your nonflammable towers.

We can’t ignore this horror story like you can.

Streets littered with heroin needles; hell-raising

Flames shooting from cars; replacing the broken lamps,

Lighting up the desperate estate of mind we call reality.

“Get a job, save up, better yourself, pull yourself out

Of austerity. Climb that property ladder”,

While living cheque-to-cheque. Can’t deposit on zero hours.

Withdrawing food from banks; it’s no way to live.

We really are in this together, fighting to survive.

(C) Bob W Christian

Last week, I had a whole week off work as I had a lot of holiday time to use up, and now that the season is drawing to a close I needed to take some. I haven’t had time off since our cruise in early May, so it was well overdue. I’m actually not a big fan of taking holiday time off work for a few reasons: it disrupts my usual routine, and I lose track of what day it is. Sounds silly, but cast your mind back to last Christmas, when you tried to remember when the bins go out and which bin to put out – see? It’s not only an Aspie problem!

We decided that we’d like to do something different with my time off, and with that in mind, I treated myself to a nice cooked breakfast in town. Then I did some clearing out of my games console, wrote some new scribbles and really started to unwind. One day, I took Mrs Bob to Living Coast, a local penguin sanctuary and although we chose a very windy and slightly chilly, it was a great day. There were very few other people there, so we chilled out and took our time. The highlight of the trip for me (not Mrs Bob) was a little penguin called Evie, who refused to socialise with the other penguins. While Mrs Bob was watching the keeper play with Evie’s brothers and sisters (with a cat toy on a stick … hilarious!) Evie snuck on Mrs Bob and started to peck her leg. Mrs Bob didn’t mind, but the keeper moved us both out of the way pretty sharpish. She was such an adorable little thing and seemed not to fit in. Anyway, after that excitement, and having seen seals, cormorants, other birds and fish and generally had a wonderful time, we grabbed a drink in the cafe before heading home.

Later in the week, we had a movie afternoon with the latest Spider-Man, which we both really enjoyed. The whole week was so relaxing and fun that we even managed to spend a lovely evening with Mrs Bob’s mother, while we tried to teach her how to use her new-fangled iPad, which wasn’t as stressful as I’d thought it would be. Admittedly, I was dipping in and out of the conversation while watching the only sporting event that I’m interested in – the annual collage football game between Harvard vs Yale. This was the 136 match up, and I was gutted that Harvard lost 43-50 in the second overtime slot, but there’s always next year, right?

All in all, this time away from work has really opened my eyes to a lot of things. It’s also made me realise how much I enjoy being at home doing my own thing, and that at some point, should I want to retire, I could happily do it and spend quality time driving Mrs Bob gradually up the wall.

Stay Safe X

If you’re a regular reader of my ramblings (thank you, if you are,) you might recall my post on 22nd September this year, regarding an incident with a supermarket guard. For those that don’t, or who would like a recap, here is the link:

More Reasons to Despair (Bob W Christian)

Last week, unbeknownst to me, Mrs Bob had a meeting with two very senior managers for the south-west region of a certain supermarket chain. I knew it was going to happen, but had no idea when. She knew it would be much less stressful for me if I didn’t know. Considering she suffers from anxiety from dealing with complaints, which is related to her career, it was really wonderful of her to do this for me.

This meeting was as a result of our complaint about an incident in our local branch with an over-zealous, and under-educated member of their security staff. Up to this point, our complaint had been handled poorly. I’m no expert on the subject (unlike Mrs Bob) but I felt my granddaughter could have done a better job. The social media team were saying one thing, and the customer services team were saying something very different about the same incident. It was trying Mrs Bob’s usually endless patience to the very edge, so it was about time this complaint was sorted, once and for all.

Mrs Bob spoke at length with the very senior representatives of the supermarket chain. She explained to them that after my complaint about the particular guard’s attitude towards me & Autism, people had started contacting me with similar stories all connected to the same guard. (By the way, thank you to all the peeps that made me feel less alone after such a horrible, distressing experience).

The long and short of it is that there’s going to be some new procedures put into place nationally, alongside more Autism training for their staff. The south west branch managers will be having 1:1 meetings with their guards, regarding Autism and the subject of training will be included in their contract review with the company that provides the guards. So hopefully this means that it won’t happen to another person on the spectrum within their stores.

Overall, I was very impressed with the action plan from their meeting with Mrs Bob. However, I do think that these things should already be in place in their stores already, Autism isn’t a new thing and they have a quiet hour for people with autism or who like the quiet. The length of time, effort and stress it took to get a supposedly autism-friendly chain to even acknowledge there was an issue is ridiculous. Just sweeping a complaint under the rug might get some people to leave things, but not Mrs Bob – she’s tenacious in sticking up for me and gets things done. Also, I won’t be able to return to our local store since the guard threatened me with the Police if I ever did. Though I’ve been told that is not the case, I still can’t go back. I’d be far too anxious and not being able to use the only supermarket in town and it’s petrol station is a real inconvenience. I’d just rather not risk having a another confrontation like this. I’ve decided to “Try Something New Today” and see what other superstores have to offer. If they’re cheaper, I can live well for less lol.

I would, however, like to say a massive thank-you to Mrs Bob for all her hard work on this, and to all of my friends and people on Insta Google Tweetface who have supported and encouraged me.

Thank-you all.

Stay Safe X

This afternoon, I’ve been taking lessons in how to speak, act and express the emotions I write about, as I bring them to life. Mrs Bob has taught me to sound less robotic than before, so I decided to video a read of my latest scribble, Panic Disorder, just for fun.

The downside is that while watching it back, I had a real shock to see what you all see, when you talk to me … my lack of eye contact. It astounded me. I’ve always thought I’d managed to pull that trick off when I mask my discomfort with eye contact, but it . appears that I haven’t. That’s not an issue, really, or at least, it’s not one I’m concerned by as I usually wear sunglasses to perform. A tip I took from good old Roy Orbison, as he had crippling stage fright. But it does matter in my job and in life generally.

I could also slow it down, instead of going at it like a 100m sprinter on crack. Again, I can learn to sort out that issue, so all in all it’s looking up. I like it when Mrs Bob films my public readings, so I can see where I can improve.

This, combined with an afternoon of Marvel Lego with Mrs Bob, a video chat with my granddaughter, and a cracking dinner of slow-cooked roast pork, means it’s been a nice, productive and relaxing day off.

Anyway, here is said video. Hope you enjoy it.

Stay Safe X

Panic Disorder Live