An unfortunate myth about Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is that diagnosed individuals have no emotions; that they are somehow like that famous Vulcan, Mr Spock from Star Trek: analytical and logical, but really not emotional. Research From the Autism Research Group at City University London, and that of many other acedemic sites across the world, matches my experience, and shows that this is definitely not the case.

Although individuals with ASD are often very good at analytical problem-solving and express, as well as experience their emotions differently.  It is really not the case that they lack emotions altogether. In fact, a very large proportion of individuals with ASD (about a half, although estimates vary) suffer from symptoms of anxiety and depression that significantly compromise their quality of life. This is something that I can attest to, and covered in an earlier podcast about suicide.  Unfortunately, very little is still known about the underlying causes of these difficulties or about how best to alleviate them.

Although I t has often been said that people with Asperger’s don’t feel emotion, anyone who’s known me through the years can testify that that is absolutely not true. As with many others with Asperger’s, I feel emotions, and feel them intensely; sometimes more so than a person who does not have Asperger’s.  I just don’t know how to process them like neurotypicals do.

There is often quite a stark difference in the styles used to express and communicate emotions between those with ASD and— neurotypicals, which doesn’t mean that aspies don’t feel empathy, sadness, compassion, happy for others and so forth.  I often feel way too much, though this is usually not very evident. It’s also true that a lot of the “way too much” that I do feel is usually kept as part of my own inner-world experience and is not shared with others. I do need to be asked what I’m feeling often. I rarely seek to share outwardly, because it doesn’t occur to me to do that. People that get to know me come to understand this is not something that should be taken personally, and that all they have to do is ask and I will answer.

Having a  different ability  in this aspect of expression is usually where the myth that we feel nothing comes from. There are more aspies who feel a tremendous amount of empathy, compassion, sadness, happiness, and so forth than those who don’t. It becomes an issue when we are reluctant to express it or talk about it. It doesn’t come naturally to us to communicate and to express our emotions in a social or relational way, as it does to NT’s. It feels foreign. It’s hard work and requires effort and energy, which is why we often don’t do it

Another area that can badly affect relationships is emotional regulation. Our neurological systems can be as inefficient in handling sensory input, as emotional input. This means that a person with Asperger’s may feel raw emotion, but is not able to immediately identify which emotion it is, or its cause. Not only does this cause breakdown in communications in common, everyday situations, it can also be very dangerous. It can lead to extreme sadness or upset to be processed as anger,and the source of the emotion can be identify incorrectly

This inefficient processing of emotion can be very draining for us, as when the emotion temporarily takes over, it can interfere with awareness and rational thought. The emotional warning signs that are meant to protect you from difficult or harmful situations may malfunction, or work with such a delay that they lose effectiveness. This means that we may be less than prepared to defend ourselves verbally (or, in bad situations, physically) if the situation deteriorates into an argument or conflict.

When I think of this, I think of the old stereotypes that are often used in movies and sit-coms.  There are some good and bad representations of ASD and emotional responses.   One I keep coming back to, and I know a lot of the autism community has an issue with, is Jim Parsons’ portrayal of Dr Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Thoery.  Another is the hauntingly brilliant Freddie Highmore with his portrayal of Autistic savant surgeon Dr Sean Murphy.  This is something I will cover in more detail at a later date

A short while ago, I was talking to some very close friends of mine about where I wanted to take things, with respect to my writing and blogging, etc.  Among all the ideas I had, there was one that I was very curious about looking into further.

This idea was to give my blog a voice, so to speak, by creating a podcast.  Although this was an exciting thought, it was also a very scary idea.  It was exciting because I could take my voice and my blog and reach an even bigger audience, which would mean there was more potential to raise more awareness of both Autism and Asperger’s syndrome, and that was the main goal of my New Year ideas.  It was scary because, until now, I had been able to hide behind my blog and, to a lesser degree, my pen name, although quite a lot of you know my identity.

It would mean taking that very scary and somewhat irreversible desicion to give my words a voice; my voice, in fact. This would mean no more anonymity.  So, with a great deal of nervousness and trepidation, on Christmas Day I went to my office and got my audio kit out.  I lit some candles, poured myself a large glass of Jack Daniels, pressed record and began to waffle to myself, as I still wasn’t sure whether I would publish it when I’d finished recording,

The Podcast was only just over 16 minutes long, and was totally unscripted (except for the piece of poetry or scribble I read out), unlike now, where I find it’s best to have a script with ideas so I don’t go off-topic too much.

After I had finished recording, I made the very impulsive move to stick this creation online for people to see, judge and critique.  This was the scariest part of the whole thing for me, as from that point forward there was no turning back.

I’m pleased and relieved to say that I had very positive feedback from everyone who listened to that first, tentative outing into the world of podcasting, This gave me the courage to think about subjects about which I wanted to raise awareness, and also it gave me the passion to write again, as I hadn’t written in years.  It was one piece of poetry called “Cheer Up”.

I want to thank each and every one of you that has shown me love and support with this new project.  It’s true what they say: “You don’t know ‘til you try” and I’m glad I did.  I’m so very grateful to you all for your support.

If you haven’t listened yet, and want to, please go to iTunes or Podbean and search for “Bob Christian Podcast.”

Stay Safe X

Many people on the autism spectrum have difficulty processing everyday sensory information that most neurotypical people take for granted.  Any of the senses may be over or under-sensitive, or both, at different times. These sensory differences can affect our behaviour, and can have a profound effect on a person’s life.

Sometimes an autistic person may behave in a way that you wouldn’t immediately link to sensory sensitivities. A person who struggles to deal with everyday sensory information can experience sensory or information overload. Too much information can cause stress, anxiety and sometimes physical pain. This can result in withdrawal, challenging behaviour or as a worst-case scenario, a meltdown. These issues and senses are as follows, but not limited to:-

SIGHT

Under-Sensitive

•  Objects appear quite dark, or lose some of their features.
• Central vision is blurred but peripheral vision quite sharp.
• A central object is magnified, but objects on the periphery are blurred.
• Poor depth perception; problems with throwing and catching; clumsiness.

Things that might help include the use of visual supports or coloured lenses, although there is very limited research/evidence for such lenses.

Over-Sensitive

Distorted vision

•  Objects and bright lights can appear to jump around.
• Images may fragment.
• Easier and more pleasurable to focus on a detail rather than the whole object.
• Difficulty getting to sleep as sensitive to the light.
• Light hurting your eyes or causing headaches

SOUND

Under-Sensitive

• May only hear sounds in one ear, the other ear having only partial hearing or none at all.
• May not acknowledge particular sounds.
• Might enjoy crowded, noisy places or bang doors and objects.
  You could help by using visual supports to back up verbal information, and ensuring that other people are aware of the under-sensitivity so that they can communicate effectively. You could ensure that the experiences they enjoy are included in their daily timetable, to ensure this sensory need is met.

Over-Sensitive

•  Noise can be magnified and sounds become distorted and muddled.
• May be able to hear conversations in the distance.
• Inability to cut out sounds – notably background noise, leading to difficulties concentrating.

SMELL

Under-Sensitive

•  Some people have no sense of smell and fail to notice extreme odours (this can include their own body odour).
• Some people may lick things to get a better sense of what they are.

Over-Sensitive

Smells can be intense and overpowering. This can cause toileting problems.
Dislikes people with distinctive perfumes, shampoos, etc.

TASTE

Under-Sensitive

•  Likes very spicy foods.
• Eats or mouths non-edible items such as stones, dirt, soil, grass, metal, faeces.
• This is known as pica.

Over- Sensitive

•  Finds some flavours and foods too strong and overpowering because of very sensitive taste buds. Has a restricted diet.
• Certain textures cause discomfort – may only eat smooth foods like mashed potatoes or ice-cream.
• Some autistic people may limit themselves to bland foods or crave very strong-tasting food. As long as someone has some dietary variety, this isn’t necessarily a problem. Find out more about over-eating and restricted diets.

TOUCH

Under-Sensitive

•  Holds others tightly – needs to do so before there is a sensation of having applied any pressure.
• Has a high pain threshold.
• May be unable to feel food in the mouth.
• May self-harm.
• Enjoys heavy objects (eg weighted blankets) on top of them.
• Smears faeces as enjoys the texture.
• Chews on everything, including clothing and inedible objects.

You could help by:

•  For smearing, offering alternatives to handle with similar textures, such as jelly, or cornflour and water.
• For chewing, offering latex-free tubes, straws or hard sweets (chill in the fridge).

Over-Sensitive

•  Touch can be painful and uncomfortable – people may not like to be touched and this can affect their relationships with others.
• Dislikes having anything on hands or feet.
• Difficulties brushing and washing hair because head is sensitive.
• May find many food textures uncomfortable.
• Only tolerates certain types of clothing or textures.

As I have now started putting my ramblings into an audio podcast form, I thought I would try putting up a transcript of the podcast for easy reference.  This podcast, I talk about anxiety, depression and suicide, as it’s a very important subject.

Anxiety and Depression
These are both problems that affect a large percentage of the U.K. population.  It’s estimated that 20% of people will experience some form of depression at one point or another.  Often, people who suffer from depression have difficulty in sharing their thoughts and feelings, and this can be much harder for people like me, on the autism spectrum, as we can have difficulty in labelling, understanding and communicating our feelings.

Anxiety disorders
This is a particularly common theme among people on the autism spectrum.  It’s believed that 40% of autistic people suffer or have suffered from at least one form of anxiety disorder or another.

For me, things that a neurotypical person might take for granted can be a problem: answering a phone-call, or going to places like the supermarket and doctors, etc, can fill a person with autism with an almost crippling feeling of anxiety.

Suicide
This is a very dark subject and one that we really need to start discussing, rather than brushing it under the carpet and pretending it doesn’t happen. The fact is that suicide is the most common cause of death for men aged between 20-49.  This is all males, not just autistic males, but in newly diagnosed autistic adults, over 60% reporting contemplating taking their own life.

I thought tonight I’d talk a bit about my Autism and some of the things that people have said to me, either to hurt or just unthinkingly.

So is that like being retarded?”

Factually speaking, in many cases Autistic people do not have an intellectual or cognitive disability, and likewise many people with intellectual or cognitive disabilities are not Autistic. It’s a common misconception that we are all mentally disabled and therefore slow or retarded. One customer at a previous workplace used to call me Raymond at my last work place and member of staff also used it, as they had seen the film “Rain Man” and assumed all autistic people are like that. There are some Autistic people who also have an intellectual or cognitive disability. Nevertheless, the word “retarded” is a very hurtful word to use to anyone, because it’s frequently used as an insult to dehumanise people. It’s also used to express hatred for people with disabilities. Please don’t use it.
“You should be very proud of yourself. You seem so normal. I couldn’t tell you’re Autistic.”

This is very frequently said to me and other Autistic people whose autism is less obvious. It’s insulting, because it suggests that, just because the person doesn’t appear to be disabled or fit preconceptions of what Autistic people are supposed to be, they are clearly not Autistic. It also suggests that “normal” is the standard to which anyone should aspire to appear or act and that “normal” should be the ultimate goal for therapies or treatments for autism. This isn’t the case. Instead, the goal is to teach pragmatic coping skills to navigate a world where those with autism are a minority.

This phrase also gives the impression that it isn’t acceptable to act or speak in ways commonly associated with being Autistic, even if those behaviours don’t actually hurt anyone. This is dismissive of a person’s disability and experiences. It’s like saying “But you’re married/have a job/go to college. You couldn’t do that if you were really Autistic.” Yes, not every Autistic person will get married, have a job or go to college. But plenty do. And likewise, not every neurotypical will do those things. . This statement is insulting because it’s ableist. (For those who may not regularly read my blog, ableism is like racism, ageism or sexism, but directed toward people with disabilities.) While not every Autistic person may be able to do all or some of these things, it’s very ableist to assume that no Autistic person can or that anyone who can do those things must be neurotypical.

It’s actually very hard to get a diagnosis of Autism. You have to fit a very specific set of criteria and there is a real reluctance to diagnose unless those criteria are met. So when someone has a formal diagnosis, l8ke me, there really is very little room for doubt.

“I know a kid whose autism is really severe. You don’t seem like him.”

Every Autistic person is different, because autism is a wide-ranging spectrum. It gives a huge range of individual abilities, skills, needs and challenges. It is impossible to know what an Autistic person’s abilities and skills are versus their needs and challenges after just a brief conversation (either in person or in the comments thread of an internet post). What makes Autistic people a group united by a shared diagnosis are the commonalities of all Autistic people. All Autistic people share some of the same core characteristics that define autism and which lead to a formal diagnosis:-

Key differences in neurological functioning, sensory and cognitive processing, and communication abilities that often manifest as disability. Autistic people are Autistic regardless of whether they look, speak or act like another Autistic person you know or know of. There is a great phrase that sums this up in my opinion,

Dr Stephen Shaw said something very true… “Once you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism”.
“Can you have sex?”

Yes, of course autistic people can have sex. Some get married and have children. Some have Autistic children. Other Autistic people might never be taught about sex, for a variety of reasons. But I do wonder how people think that this is an ok question to ask someone. Would they ask them if they had, say, diabetes, which can affect men’s ability to perform.

Autistic people, like all people with developmental disabilities, are at much higher risk for abuse or victimization — sexual or otherwise — than the general population, but that doesn’t mean Autistic people don’t know about or can’t have sex. The issue for me growing up was that as I have difficulty in reading facial cues, body language, and tone of voice I have always found it very difficult to tell if someone was interested in me, I often joked I wouldn’t realise a girl liked me unless she came up and kissed me. The other thing is that I was and am terrified of misreading the signs and making a fool of myself or being accused of being inappropriate. It’s genuinely terrifying.

“Does that mean you’re really good at math/computers/numbers?”

If there’s one thing that’s likely to offend an Autistic person, it’s people seeing them in terms of common stereotypes about autism. A very small minority of Autistic people are also savants. Many have higher than average IQ, and many have average IQ, while still others have an intellectual or cognitive disability. Some of us have dyscalculia or similar learning disabilities I’m personally dyslexic and find some maths difficult, but I love the order maths brings to the universe: one plus one is two, and a week next Thursday it will still be two – it’s a constant. I love fascinating numbers like Balfazar’s Prime – the largest prime number that’s a palindrome.

But some Autistic people, including those who might be good at maths, simply don’t like the subject. And yes, some happen to be excellent with maths and enjoy working or studying in related fields. There are those of us who are relatively computer illiterate, as well as those who thrive in the IT world and community. Most of us may seen like geniuses for another simple reason – the subject being discussed interests us and we have tried to learn everything about it. My passions are Batman, science and random facts: squirrels, speed of light ,York uni, vexilology. I have exceptionally good recall and can recite movies and TV shows, much to annoyance of some people!

“Autism is something kids grow out of”

I have heard this a number of times and it is completely wrong. We don’t grow out of our autism – it’s a life long condition – we just adapt as we grow up, and learn to hide things and get better at adapting. I personally treat it as a science experiment – I give a response and if it causes offence or the wrong reaction I try another response. If it works I try it again a few times and if I get a positive result, I keep that and use it from then on.

Autism is much more common than many people think. There are around 700,000 people on the autism spectrum in the UK – that’s more than 1 in 1001. If you include their families, autism is a part of daily life for 2.8 million people.
Autism doesn’t just affect children. Autistic children grow up to be autistic adults.
Autism is a hidden disability – you can’t always tell if someone is autistic.
While autism is incurable, the right support at the right time can make an enormous difference to people’s lives.
34% of children on the autism spectrum say that the worst thing about being at school is being picked on2.
63% of children on the autism spectrum are not in the kind of school their parents believe would best support them3.
17% of autistic children have been suspended from school; 48% of these had been suspended three or more times; 4% had been expelled from one or more schools4.
Seventy per cent of autistic adults say that they are not getting the help they need from social services. Seventy per cent of autistic adults also told us that with more support they would feel less isolated5.
At least one in three autistic adults are experiencing severe mental health difficulties due to a lack of support6.
Only 16% of autistic adults in the UK are in full-time paid employment, and only 32% are in some kind of paid work7.
Only 10% of autistic adults receive employment support but 53% say they want it8.

Around 700,000 people may be autistic, or more than 1 in 100 in the population.

There is no register or exact count kept. Any information about the possible number of autistic people in the community must be based on epidemiological surveys (ie studies of distinct and identifiable populations).

The latest prevalence studies of autism indicate that 1.1% of the population in the UK may be on the autism spectrum. This means that over 695,000 people in the UK may be autistic, an estimate derived from the 1.1% prevalence rate applied to the 2011 UK census

As we charge towards the end of the year and thoughts head towards the seasonal holidays that your particular religious beliefs celebrate, it’s a time for spending time with family and loved ones.  A time for making new friends, for putting old animosities to bed and looking forward for the new year ahead, while also looking back at where we’ve come from. For remembering what we have achieved over the last twelve months, while thinking about where we want to be in the next twelve. For working out what resolutions we want to make at the beginning of the year, and then give up less than a month later.

As the nights get longer and slightly colder, its nice to take time out of the daily hustle and bustle of the season to relax find a comfy spot; to sit and enjoy the benefits of this festive time of year, like a mulled wine or a mead.  My personal favourite thing to do is wood-burner-watching. I love the way the flames dance and the lights on the Christmas tree flicker, while I reminisce.

With that in mind, I’ve seen lots of changes to my life and family this year; some have been subtle changes that really don’t seem to be noticed at the time, but which become obvious later, upon reflection. Then there have been the more noticeable or sometimes major changes within my life, some of these might have seemed like problems or challenges at the time, but what’s life without a few challenges?

This year has had quite a few of these for both Mrs Bob and me over the last twelve months. It began in late spring, with me making what seemed to be the hardest decisions of my life at the time – to leave my employer of the last three years after becoming unhappy there.  This was, at  the time, one of scariest decisions I’ve had to make, and at points I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to do it. I had a number of interviews, and after a few I was offered a job that was not a great fit for me but it was a way out of my situation so I reluctantly took the offer and handed my months notice.  When I was subsequently offered a chance to meet the owners of a small village pub, I decided that I had nothing to lose and went.  Straight away, I felt like this was where I was meant to be.  After a chat, we decided that a trial session was the way forward, and long story short, they liked what I brought to the party and offered me a position to manage the front of house team. I’ve been there since May and I’ve never been happier as I’m sure you can tell if you have followed me on social media.

After that, my parents made the decision to sell the family home, where they’ve lived for more than 30 years and move out to the east coast.  I thought this was a really good idea, as it wasn’t long ago that my father (ok stepfather, but he’s my dad) had a massive heart attack, collapsed and was air lifted to hospital.  He’s made an excellent recovery, but the house was just too big for the two of them and the stairs were very steep for a healthy person, let alone a pensioner with heart issues.  While some family members were unhappy about their decision, mum and dad started the process and found a lovely bungalow on the east coast. I’m pleased to say that despite some set-backs, they finally moved in this week,  and are settling in for their first Christmas in the new home. I wish them every happiness there and know they’ll make some wonderful memories there.

The other mahoosive newss was that my eldest daughter fell pregnant in March.  Finding out that you’re going to be a grandad would, for some, be earth-shattering, life-changing news, but I didn’t process it in a neurotypical way.  It didn’t seem very real to me at all.  This worried me somewhat – what if I didn’t differently when my granddaughter finally arrived in this world? Well, I can say that she was born at 0303hrs on 17th December, and I was sent the first photo while I was at work. Laying eyes on the next generation of my bloodline, I can honestly say that, had I not been at work, I would have been very emotional, and I can’t wait to take a trip up north to see them in January, hold the little cherub  and welcome her to the family.  I think Mrs Bob is even more excited than me, but we shall see when the time comes.

This concludes the major news. The other items are all small in comparison; things like the fact that I have started working on a podcast. It’s an idea I’ve had for a while, and decided to try it out; the initial reaction was good so I think I’ll try a second one. I’ve stopped shooting with the archery club, due to work commitments. I’ve had great reviews of my book, and I’ve been interviewed for a couple of things, which will hopefully raise some awareness of autism. I’m also working on another book project, which I’m hoping will be ready by this time next year, all being well.

So, that’s my review of my year.  Please, do take this holiday season to look back and be thankful for all the blessings that have been bestowed on you this year and ponder what may be in 2018.

Stay Safe X

This month I’ve decided to try to raise a little money for bowel cancer research, I have decided to grow a beard for Decembeard. It’s like the moustache thing they did last month but a step further.

I’ve had designer stubble before but never gone full beard, due to Mrs Bob not liking me with a beard. So now I get to try and see if it will suit me. I’m going for the geeky hipster look – but who knows.

It’s for a really good cause, to raise money for research into bowel cancer. 1 in 14 men and 1 in 19 women will be diagnosed with bowel cancer during their lifetime. I know those statistics may not seem very high but what if one of your loved ones was the one? Someone very close to our family has been fighting this horrible disease this year and has been incredibly brave.

Please feel free to head over to my Decembeard page and help me raise some money and laugh at my escapades.

Decembeard Just Giving

Stay Safe X

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been wondering whether my chosen career choice is the most suitable for someone with my – shall we say – unique mindset. In my past employment, I have been made fun of in various ways because of my disability. I’m not keen on that term though; firstly, I don’t see myself as disabled for the simple fact that I’m high-functioning. I know some don’t like that term either, but what I mean by that is that it is not obvious to most people, and I can come across as being neurotypical.  This sometimes leads me to even begin to doubt the diagnosis that three clinicians gave me after more than seven hours of assessment.  “Of course I’m not autistic!  I could just be very socially awkward and shy.  Yes, that’s it”.  But alas, that’s just me deluding myself, and no matter how much I try to avoid the inevitable, the truth is, I am autistic.  Much as I try to appear neurotypical, it does, can and will impact my life in ways that, at times, I don’t even realise.

Taking all this into account, some people are surprised to find out that my job, far from being science-based or computer programming, is very public-facing, and involves me needing to make small-talk with people in a little village near my hometown.

This is a big change of pace from the career I had before I moved to Devon : an aerospace engineer. During my career there, I did everything from office work, forklift driving, logistics and managing a team of people, right down to laboratory based R&D. To be honest, there are times when I miss working in that industry and the large financial reward that went alongside it, but I don’t miss the shift work and the extreme pressure of deadlines, etc. Since moving down here, did a couple of jobs before settling into this job role. I did a stint working in a laboratory as a microbiologist in the food industry, and also as a marketing assistant for a local company, both temporarily. Eventually, I went into the service industry and I have spent four years doing this role. I now basically spend my working life looking after a bar and front-of-house area of a very pleasant family-run business. My team has changed since I took over supervising the front-of-house team, but they are all great at what they do.  We’ve had some great summer staff as well who made those hectic Sunday shifts go without a hitch. So, over the last few months, I’ve started to settle down within my role and get to grip with what it all entails.  I like to know the rules, apply them carefully and expect my staff to do so too.

I know that I do struggle with some aspects of the role and as the customers don’t realise I’m autistic, if I’m under pressure, my reactions can be unintentionally snappy.  This led me to question whether I was in the right career, until I had a baptism of fire recently when both of the owners had a family event and were away for the weekend.  They needed me to look after things while they were away, and I’m very glad to say that this went really well.  After they returned, I had a conversation with them over how things had gone and the issues I was aware of.

They were so supportive, and told me that my performance work-wise was extremely promising and this gave me a way in to explain that, despite how I come across that I have a diagnosis of Aspergers.  They seemed as if they already knew, which surprised me, but as I explained, I find the social side challenging and do it to push myself outside of my comfort zone. This was met with “that’s commendable – I admire you for that”.  That chat helped me no end, and since then, I have started to realise that, despite my occasional wobbles, I’m a pretty capable, valued and respected member of the team.  I’m also very lucky to work with such an amazing team.

Stay Safe X

It wasn’t that long ago that comic books, superheroes, Dungeons and Dragons, computer games, science fiction, and technology were the things that interested a small, somewhat localised, group of kids and, to a lesser degree, adults who were often referred to as either Nerds or Geeks. They were usually picked on and made to feel like social pariahs; the epitome of “uncool”, they were often of above-average or high intelligence, and often portrayed in the media with pocket protectors, taped-up spectacles, running the high school AV (audio visual) Club and being  bullied for the way they were and because of their interests.

Nowadays, things are so different.  The situations have pretty much reversed, and it’s now very hip and cool – dare I say it – mainstream to like comic books, and science fiction. TV shows such as Dr Who and Star Trek are now actually popular and have it a huge cult following. Now it is actually abnormal to have never watched the latest comic book movie, and everyone has heard of Voldemort and Darth Vader. We live in a tech-based society, where if you don’t own a smart phone and stream your TV online while being anti-social at the weekend, then *you* are the outsider – the uncool one. It really seems that geek-style hobbies have gone mainstream; it’s almost as if popular culture is heading towards a more autistic, introverted style of life. I say this because, as an Aspie, I have some narrow field of focus or obsessions which, like some (not all) autistic people, is based on technology, science (including sci-if) video games and comic books. Also, many of us that are on the autism spectrum tend to be introverted, shy and often socially awkward. In short, the personality traits we exhibit are becoming more popular, even …cool!

This raises a very important question for the autistic community. Does this rise in the popularity of geeks and their culture mean that there will be more of an understanding of us as autistic individuals? I can only speak for myself, but the way I see it, (being a geek with social shyness and all the other traits now becoming popular, and coupled with the the way technology has come on in huge leaps and bounds since I was a kid), this may well be the way forward. If so, then that’s an amazing leap towards acceptance and understanding. At the same time, though, it’s a very sad state of affairs because what we are saying is effectively that we will only really accept things like autism when it becomes a big part of our mainstream popular culture.  This a shame, but I guess it’s how the world works.

Who knows, maybe somewhere down the line it might go full circle, but for people like me who grew up in an age of being picked on and ridiculed for how we are, we can at least say that we had autism before it was cool.

Stay Safe X

I needed to go into town the other day, to run a few errands: drop a letter off at the accountants, pick some files up, nip into the bank, and do a spot of top-up shopping as there were things missing off the weekly supermarket delivery.  When I’m doing these kinds of things, I need to have some preparation in place, such as the order of doing things, etc.

I said goodbye to Mrs Bob, as I always do before I go out, and was feeling pretty normal (or as normal as I ever feel). I got into the car and set the seat and the volume on my stereo, as Mrs Bob had used my car and fiddled with the settings. I drove over to the accountants with as little hassle and eye contact as I could get away with, and then headed back into the town centre to begin the hunt for the elusive lesser=spotted parking space. After a short hunt, I had found a spot, parked up, and walked through the quiet streets to the bank. I was feeling quite pleased with myself, as for all intents and purposes I was seeming like a normal person.  At this point, I began to think to myself that maybe I’m not that autistic at all, really.

When I arrived at the bank, there was quite a queue. This meant I had to stand about under those incredibly bright lights and listen to everyone’s conversations about bingo, who they had seen in the hairdressers, etc. As I stood in the queue for what seemed like an eternity I began to stim by flapping my fingers on one hand while waiting for my turn. Eventually, it came, and the woman behind the counter had decided that because I was avoiding eye contact, I was obviously up to no good and made me give ID and went to check it all, before letting me pay the money into Mrs Bob’s account. This caused me to get a little frustrated at being given the third degree, so I did what I needed and left with the minimum of conversation, heading  back to the car via the shops.

I was so happy to get back to the car, as it’s like a mobile comfort zone. I control everything that goes on inside my car, and if I want to listen to Justin Bieber and Metallica at silly volumes I can, and no one can say any different. I headed home and began the process of unwinding, when my ‘phone rang.  It was the dealership I got my car from, explaining my MOT was due and did I want to book it in. I told the woman that I wouldn’t ever take my car back there, as I had complained about the MOT procedure to them for a number of years, etc, etc. The line went dead and I assumed she had hung up on me, though she had been speaking at that point

It was at this point that Mrs Bob explained that I had been very aggressive towards the person on the ‘phone and that maybe I should apologise. I respectfully disagreed with her, as I hadn’t got angry or aggressive, I hadn’t sworn, I was just really grumpy nothing more.  It was only a month or so later when Mrs Bob ‘phoned the dealership about a service that she could tell from their reaction to her that my phone-call was an issue. Mrs Bob apologised on my behalf and explained that I have Asperger’s.  She sorted it all out and we gave them some chocolates to apologise.

Then I realised that it was only the other day I was thinking to myself how unautistic I was…Guess I was very wrong on that one really… it hit home quite hard

Stay Safe X