After a rather strange and disturbed night’s sleep the other night (thanks to Dog, Mrs Bob, an open window and weird dream cycles, not necessarily in that order) and then feeling strange all day the following day, I have been wondering about how sleep patterns and dream cycles good or bad and can affect the brain of someone with ASD. After a bit of research, I was shocked to find that sleep issues are quite prevalent in people with ASD – statistics show that it can range from 40% to a scary 80%. I, myself, have always had really odd sleeping habits. Sometimes it takes me a long time to fall asleep. Other nights I wake up maybe half a dozen times, due to one reason or another. Other times I can have very little sleep and wake up at 5:00am ready for work, and hit the ground running with an energy that seems to amaze and annoy others. As an adult, I’ve come to realise that having the right sleeping conditions can make a really big difference,

There are a number of ways to get that sometimes elusive perfect night’s sleep that you may find helpful. Some I’ve tried personally, others have been mentioned to me as helpful. I have found that I need to be physically tired to get a good sleep; fortunately in my line of work I get quite a lot of it with all the walking around that I do! Failing that, you could always get an hour or so of exercise a day – maybe go for a walk (the sea air near us is perfect as it contains huge amounts of negativity charged ions which helps with sleep). Maybe go for a bike ride or a swim or mix it up a little and do a combo of these things.

Bedding is another one that has been mentioned a number of times on various sites. A good mattress is crucial, and should be replaced every ten years. I always spend as much as I can on a mattress, given that I spend a third of my time on it! I can’t vouch for the next one, but it would appear to make sense. Heavy blankets are apparently good, as the pressure of a heavy blanket is more relaxing over a light sheet or blanket. However, there is a fine line when it comes both this and the next factor, which is temperature. I personally find that I prefer the room to be nice and cool in order to get a better quality of sleep. I’m not sure if this Aspie related, but if I get too warm I tend to spend more time awake than in slumber. To help with this I also like to pair the latter with comfy sleepwear. I can’t wear anything too loose as I end up waking up feeling like it’s strangling me if I toss and turn and it gets wrapped up around me! The best fit for me is my pajama trousers and a t shirt. This brings me onto two things that may seem like me teaching you to suck eggs but please bear with me: Familiar surroundings. I find it much easier to get a quality night’s sleep at home or where I’m familiar. When I’m on holiday or staying away from home it takes me longer to get to sleep due to my brain needing to catalogue the unfamiliar sounds and smells. This leads on to the other issue of either quiet or noise. I need either total quiet or a consistent natural noise (wind, waves, steady traffic, etc,) to fall asleep to. Something like intermittent voices, a radio or a television – even one playing in an adjoining hotel room will keep me awake until it stops. In fact, I’ll usually be awake long after it stops because of the anxiety it can create. The room also has to be completely dark as I can’t sleep unless it is. Light shining in my room through a window or under/around a door will keep me awake terribly and cause me to be ratty.

Before I sleep, I find that watching some light television like comedy is always a winner, rather than perhaps a horror or noisy cop drama. The other great one is reading, which has been one of my favourites since childhood; it distracts and calms me. I think it can also become a sleep cue. When I pick up a book in bed, my brain starts sending out sleep signals to my body. It usually only takes 15-20 minutes of reading before I start to feel myself drifting off. The down side is a book hitting your face will kind of disturb your sleep a little!

Above all, it’s a fine balancing act between these and any number of personal tricks and techniques that you as an individual have found to work. Remember that if something isn’t working, don’t get stressed or wound up as that will really not help you at all. Maybe it’s a bath and a podcast or a movie and a hot chocolate – whatever it is that you find works best for you. It’s a very personal and individual choice that may not work for someone else.

It’s good to share! If you have any tips about sleeping well, please do comment here.

I have been in a bit of a quandary with my life lately, as there have been a few changes of my own choosing. This got me thinking about whether it’s just me being Aspie or if an NT would have these issues as well  –  and if so, how badly would they feel it?

Starting your first job (or beginning any new job) can present a number of challenges for an Aspie, or anyone on the autism spectrum.  There are big decisions to make, like whether or not you choose to disclose your disability. This is a very personal choice and one that should not be taken lightly.  Previously, if a form had said: “Do you consider yourself to have a disability” then I would always answer “No”, because I never felt that I did.  If it said: “Are you registered disabled” then I had to answer “Yes”.

Recruitment
An employer who’s recruiting staff may make limited enquiries about your health or disability.  (gov.uk/rights-disabled)

As I’m actually really high functioning, there might seem no point in putting people off employing me, as there still appears to be a huge stigma around these types of disabilities that wouldn’t happen if I were, say, in a wheelchair. The flip side to this coin is that if you don’t disclose it on an application form or when you go for an interview, the prospective employer cannot read minds and make any necessary adjustments to fit in with you. This has also happened to me where I didn’t disclose my disability to a prospective employer and failed the second and final interview.  When I asked for feedback as to where I could improve, I was told that I was the better candidate, but I needed to make more eye contact. This was frustrating because as an Aspie, it’s a difficult and somewhat painful thing to do.

Then there is the job itself.   Will people like me? Will I be able to get on with them?  What happens if they have an out-of-work social event (ARGH!) which terrify me. I’m sure an NT would find all this a little daunting too.

I’m not saying any of the above to put anyone off the idea of working, or changing jobs, although I can see how new jobs can seem nightmarish! I think it’s important to appreciate the reality that jobs are going to be demanding at some points, but hopefully they are not always stressful. In my own experience, however, I have found that just giving myself “some slack” and accepting that I might not be the only one that finds certain situations stressful can be very helpful, even if it doesn’t help me solve the problem. It would be wrong to focus solely on the negatives of work.

Working can be rewarding for so many different reasons. It can be really satisfying to see how much progress you have made during your time within a particular job.  I guess that no matter how scary or daunting a new job, or even your first job is,  give it time and remember it’s a learning curve or as I see it, a scientific experiment into social interaction.  But above all, relax and give it your best shot. That’s what I intend to do.

Stay Safe X

I have had a very busy four day Easter weekend – Mrs Bob’s mother is back for a while and we have had her around for a meal and vice versa. This alone has meant elevated stress levels for us, alongside Mrs Bob’s big **th birthday on Easter Sunday.  I began to wonder (as I often do) about things that I, as an Aspie, don’t quite fully understand.  Yes, I’m aware that you are likely to say “Bob, as someone with ASD there are lots of things this could mean, so be specific please”.  This is something I have noticed with lots of people’s interactions with their families – fortunately less so with my wife’s, but certainly rife in my family. It’s the unwritten rule of game playing.

“It’s as if everybody is playing some complicated game and I am the only one who hasn’t been told the rules.”

There are several types of games that can be played, and if my limited understanding of this is correct, it’s a basic form of manipulation.  It’s almost like using someone’s mind like a puppet to get something, without them knowing it and clearly this is more effective with Aspies like me who just don’t understand game-playing. Playing games and not actually addressing what people really mean or want must be somewhat confusing for most NTs, but for someone with autism these unwritten rules and expectations can be a nightmare social situation for the following reasons.

As an Aspie there are certain things that I will miss that an NT can pick up on, which means that they can understand and maybe play this game. These things are taken for granted by most people, but for us it’s almost like a foreign language.  Take these particular things for example: body language is a huge one and can give off lots of subtle and not-so-subtle clues to how someone is interacting with you. Facial expressions – this is one I really can’t read (ask Mrs Bob) and is arguably the most important non-verbal form of communication between people. Vocal communication i.e.pitch and intonation. I have barely scratched the surface of things and already I’m sure you can see that we are at a disadvantage, even in general social and family situations. Now take into account the fact that people can and will use the following tactics while playing games.

Sarcasm – this is the art of basically saying the opposite of what you mean, and it can be detected by other cues such as vocal tone, facial expression and body language. However, when you can’t read the other cues, this is dangerously confusing. Sarcasm is the very slightest form of game-playing; guilt-tripping, when someone does something and then makes you feel guilty for their own actions; lying – this one is straightforward enough.

I could go on listing the ways in which people use certain tactics to elicit the response they are after, but there are far too many. These tactics can make even the toughest NT feel like they have been put through the psychological and emotional wringer. I’m sure if you look back in your life you can remember someone doing this to you. These people might be your colleagues, your friends, or worst of all, your family. NTs will at least have been able to understand some, if not all of the rules of this very complex and stressful game.  They therefore have the advantage of being able to understand a lot more than we do, ano this puts us on the back foot, meaning that more often than not we end up saying the wrong thing as we have not understood the game properly. So please bear this in mind when we can’t quite follow the game in progress and maybe upset great-uncle Theodore by correcting him on something, or we can’t quite read the body language of Princess Amelia when she refuses to apologise for her words or actions and we are left feeling that whatever it was, was our fault. Throughout all this, we are trying to understand the game but it’s so difficult without the rules, or even knowing there’s a game to play!

Stay Safe X

Today I have been thinking about something that I find fascinating, which started when I went back to my local tattoo studio this morning to get another piece of ink. I know that tattoos aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but all of my tattoos have a very special meaning to me. I really enjoy getting them and I actually find them quite relaxing. This may come as a shock to you guys, but I don’t think they hurt at all; in fact, I enjoy the feeling of the needle on my skin, This was one of the things I started to wonder about.

First of all, I’ve come to think that there are at least three, but maybe more, different types of pain. Emotional pain aside, as that’s a whole other subject, for me there’s physical pain and sensory system pain. I’m somewhat sensitive to the latter. When something assaults my sensory system, it can really hurt. On that front, the only issue with my love of tattoos is the noise. If you have ever had one, or been to a tattoo studio, you will know how noisy the tattoo machines are. This was not really an issue today, as this one was on my forearm. While it was slightly noisy, it wasn’t an assault on my ears. However, the one before this was a cover-up on the top of my arm, right next to my ear and it lasted for an hour or so. I hardly felt the needle, but the pain from the noise was almost unbearable. If it had gone on any longer, I would have had to stop.

I have begun to wonder whether this high tolerance to physical pain is just an individual thing that I have been gifted with, or if it’s a common aspie trait? I have looked into this and it seems that there is a link between ASD sufferers and pain thresholds. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be in a world without physical pain? Everyone feels pain to some degree, including us aspies. It doesn’t have to be a huge pain to be felt, So where does the “no-pain” idea fit in? Aspies are very good at ignoring pain, particularly if they’re engaged in their special interest. The sorts of pain most commonly “ignored” by aspies are things such as muscular nerve pain, rather than wounds. This does not mean that every aspie is a superhuman when subjected to pain, although it does raise the interesting paradox:  That some people with autism can tolerate extreme heat, cold or pressure and seem relatively insensitive to certain forms of physical pain. Paradoxically, they may experience intense pain from the most obscure of sources, but they may struggle to be able to communicate it properly.  What do you think?

Stay Safe X

When you are asked to think of something that truly terrifies you what springs to mind? Bungee jumping? White-water rafting? Maybe a parachute jump? While each one of those things are probably equally terrifying to most people, for those of us on the spectrum it’s a completely different story.  I myself have done some of the things on the above list, and they didn’t scare me half as much as some of the things that the average garden variety NT person might take for granted.

I mean, does the thought of going down to the local shopping mall or out for something to eat and socialising scare you? “Of course it doesn’t, don’t be daft” I hear you say. The reason I bring this question up is that this morning, while getting ready to attend an important meeting I got really anxious.  I normally do so with these things, mainly because you only get one chance to give the right first impression. I wondered how an NT would deal with the same situation? I think, but cannot say for sure, that they must get very nervous too, like that adrenaline rush moment on a rollercoaster as it reaches its peak and just before it drops.

Well imagine having that adrenaline type feeling as a base level all the time. That  neurochemical ‘fight or flight’ response that we all get as humans when placed in a (sometimes perceived) dangerous situation. For example, feeling that anxiety just at the thought of going down to the paper shop to pick up a paper and a pint of milk. That applies to me, although as an Aspie. I must confess that after many years, I have got better at dealing with this problem through various coping mechanisms and support. In fact, I now only really have problems with strange places or people. This doesn’t mean that every person on the spectrum is the same; in fact, I know some people (one who isn’t Aspie) that are frozen with fear if they get a call from an unfamiliar number, so I count myself lucky.  Do please spare a thought for those unfortunate ones that are just trying to get through what is, to you, a seemingly normal situation.  To them it might be a living nightmare. Try to put yourself in their shoes, and imagine that you’re about to face your fears and, say, do a 60-foot bungee jump.

We all have different fear factors.  Do keep that in mind.

Stay Safe X

In this day and age of agency workers, zero-hours contracts and apprenticeships, it occurs to me that you do everything in your power to make your manager happy and spend your weekdays dreaming about, and living for, the weekend because the rest of the week belongs to your manager. You can be at your desk half an hour early every day for six years; you can push yourself to the point where you are mentally and even physically exhausted to make your bosses more money, but where will all this dedication get you? Nowhere at all.

In fact, I’ve heard that some employers are now adding yet another get-out clause to the ever-growing list of obscure reasons to throw you on the trash pile when they’ve finished exploiting you… This new clause states that should you become unwell mentally (which covers a vast multitude of things) then your employment will be terminated without notice.

This makes me sad and angry simultaneously: Sad that we allow corporations to treat individuals in this appalling way, with seemingly little or no defence against this practice. Angry because someone who is diagnosed with a condition on the autism spectrum could be released without warning from their servitude, simply because their face no longer fits with the corporation’s vision or brand.

The only lifeline that autistic people have is the Disability Discrimination Act, which I must admit is both a blessing and a curse. The upside is that people who are registered disabled have a safety net to protect them. The down side is that to use this act to safeguard them, they must ultimately admit to themselves and others that they are disabled.

That is sometimes the hardest part for me. “Why?” I hear you ask.  Well, if you met me in the street or in the workplace and you didn’t know me, you would probably not realise that I have a disability at all, I may come across as shy, weird or perhaps rude, but because I’m not on medication or in a wheelchair or some other stereotypical thing, you would be forgiven for thinking that I’m normal. But I do have a disability

If you take just one thing from this tale, please let it be that you can’t always see the disability and we are all human beings at the end of the day.  Shouldn’t we all be treated with respect?

Stay Safe X

I’ve had a very busy day today, beginning with an earlier than usual start due to the clocks going forward last night.  I also had a late night (or should I say early morning) as it was gone half one this morning before I decided to call it a night. Truth be told, the only reason I turned off the TV and disconnected from the virtual world was not because I was tired, but because Mrs Bob, who was cuddled up with me, had fallen asleep on me. So, after turning the television off, it was time to call it night – I decided not to set an alarm as I could do with catching up on some sleep.

I awoke quite early and without the use of an alarm clock or at least a mechanical one, (our furry alarm clock/house guest, Dog, had woken Mrs Bob and myself up around half seven) and so the day began. I started my morning routine of making hot drinks for the both of us and attending to the needs of the cat. Even with such an early start, it was a nice and relaxing way to start my Sunday with the woman I love before grabbing my bow and heading to the local archery club.  The only reason I went to the club was because one of my closest friends and the club’s old VP was returning home after being away at university. I don’t have many friends, if I’m completely honest, but I’m close to him and we had been talking whilst he was away.  As it was the only week where we would be shooting indoors, as I’ve been in talks with another club to try to really get ahead competition-wise, I really had to make the effort to see him and have a good catch up before I went to work. I must admit, my friend has changed a great deal, but I guess that university will do that to you. I’ve seen his photos and videos on Snapchat and that is most certainly not a story for this blog!

After this, with the sun shining, I decided to enjoy the weather and take the long way home before spending the rest of Mother’s Day with Mrs Bob and our adopted fur baby, Dog (who had managed to send a Mother’s Day card to his foster mummy). I then tried to call my mother and wish her a happy Mother’s Day, but she had gone out to my sister’s for the day. I live too far away for her to come around for dinner. Even so, this is one day of the year I really try to catch up with her, because as much as it is a time of celebration of motherhood and all that goes with it, it’s also a time of reflection and pain because, unbeknown to most people, my biological father chose the night before Mother’s Day when I was seven, to disappear out of our lives. I guess time heals all wounds, or at least that’s what I would like to believe. For my mother, she has over the last thirty-odd years forgotten and moved on with her life. Every year, though, I’m always reminded of waking up that morning and learning that my life would never be the same ever again.

I must admit that over the years, I have had my problems and disagreements with my mother, the way she has dealt with me and her occasional dismay at the way that I’ve chosen to live my life. She has upset and even angered me over the years, but when I reflect on our relationship, she has been there when my father walked out and she worked her butt off to make sure we had a roof over our heads, food on the table and my school fees paid. So I’m sure I can take the time out one day of the year to let her know I appreciate her sacrifices and wish her a Happy Mothers Day.

Stay Safe X

Originally posted on Autism and expectations: I spy with my little eye, something beginning with AA! Not not Alcoholics Anonymous. No, not the Automobile Association. I’m talking Autism Awareness! In the run up to Autism Awareness Week and Day and Month and Millenia, I’ve been thinking about what it is I really want the world…

via Autism Awareness: Are we nearly there yet? — Aspie Under Your Radar

Source: Another #autistic use for the DSM-V

Here are some photos from the trip to Berry Head with Mrs Bob.