Has your idea of what makes a good friend changed as you’ve gotten older?

Absolutely.

And I suspect I’m not alone in that.

As I’ve gotten older, my friendship needs have changed too.

When we’re younger, friendship can be about having people around us. The more, the merrier, as they say. Going out, having a laugh, sharing experiences and generally getting into whatever mischief life throws our way.

But somewhere along the road, things change.

You start to realise that having lots of friends isn’t necessarily the same as having good friends.

These days, I value quality over quantity.

I don’t need someone who wants to talk to me every five minutes, or someone who feels the need to fill every silence.

I value people who understand that sometimes life gets in the way. That we might not speak for weeks, perhaps even months, but when we do, it’s as though we’ve only just put the kettle down.

I value honesty.

Loyalty.

Kindness.

People who accept me for who I am, warts, weirdness and all.

Someone who can have a meaningful conversation one minute and take the absolute piss out of me the next.

Because friendship shouldn’t feel like hard work.

It shouldn’t be about keeping score, wondering who messaged last, or feeling obliged to be someone you’re not just to keep somebody happy.

And perhaps most importantly, I’ve learned that a good friend doesn’t necessarily need to have all the answers.

Sometimes they just need to listen.

Sometimes they need to offer a shoulder.

Sometimes they simply need to sit alongside you while life does its usual impression of a complete bloody circus.

I also think getting older teaches us to be a little more selective about who we allow into our lives.

Not because we’re becoming miserable old sods (although I make no promises there), but because peace of mind becomes increasingly important.

I’d rather have a handful of genuine friendships than a hundred superficial ones.

People who bring something positive into my life, and whose lives I can hopefully enrich in return.

Because friendship works both ways.

It’s about showing up, making an effort, accepting differences and remembering that everyone has their own battles going on.

So yes, my idea of a good friend has changed.

Perhaps it’s not that I’ve become more demanding.

Perhaps I’ve simply become better at recognising what actually matters.

And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this:

A good friend isn’t necessarily the person who’s been around the longest, or the one you see most often.

It’s the person who makes you feel comfortable being exactly who you are.

No pretence.

No expectations.

Just friendship.

And honestly?

At this stage of life, that’s worth its weight in gold.

Stay safe,

BC