No Save Points. No Second Chances.

What was your first ever videogame?

There’s a question guaranteed to send anyone of a certain age spiralling back into the mists of time, when gaming meant a television, a cassette player, a rubber-keyed computer and an almost religious belief that, if you waited long enough, something would eventually happen.

What was your first ever videogame?

For many of us, the answer was probably Horace Goes Skiing. Or perhaps it was one of those games you spent hours typing into a Sinclair ZX Spectrum 48K, carefully copying lines of code from a magazine, desperately hoping you hadn’t missed a comma, a number or one of those mysterious little symbols that could bring the whole thing crashing down.

Either way, getting to the actual game was an adventure in itself.

Loading… Please Wait

If you were lucky enough to own a Spectrum, you’ll remember the ritual. You connected the cassette player, typed LOAD "", pressed Enter and hit Play. Then you waited.

And waited.

And listened to that extraordinary electronic noise that sounded like a robot having an argument with a fax machine.

There was always that moment when you wondered whether it was working. Was the volume too high? Too low? Had the tape stretched? Was the computer about to reward your patience, or were you going to have to rewind the cassette and start all over again?

You could make a cup of tea in the time it took some games to load. You could probably make the tea, drink it and wash the cup before the title screen appeared.

And heaven help you if the game failed at 99%.

That wasn’t a minor inconvenience. That was a personal tragedy.

Enter Horace

For those of us who remember him, Horace Goes Skiing was a classic of its time. Released in the early eighties, it offered the chance to guide our unfortunate hero across a busy road, hire his skis and head for the slopes.

Simple enough, you might think. Except that crossing the road was a challenge in itself, and every unfortunate collision ate into Horace’s limited funds. You could spend more time trying to reach the ski hut than actually skiing.

It was maddening. It was addictive. And when you finally got going, it felt like you’d achieved something genuinely worthwhile.

Which, in fairness, you had. You’d survived the loading process, mastered the controls and negotiated a road system that would have given the average driving examiner nightmares.

And if you crashed? Well, you had another go.

There was no hand-holding, no friendly tutorial explaining what to do next, no convenient checkpoint waiting just around the corner. You learned by playing, failing and playing again. Sometimes you learned by shouting at the screen.

Mostly, you learned that trees were not your friends.

The Games We Built Ourselves

Of course, not everyone had a cassette with a shiny label and proper instructions.

Some of us had a magazine, a keyboard and an unhealthy amount of optimism.

You’d sit there typing in a program, line after line, convinced you were doing something terribly clever. And you were, to be fair. The Spectrum was a wonderful little machine, and learning to make it do things felt a bit like having your own personal magic box.

But there was a catch.

One typo.

One missing line.

One misplaced character.

And suddenly, instead of a glorious new game, you had a screen full of error messages and an afternoon’s work to do all over again.

Still, there was something special about it. You weren’t just playing games. You were learning how they worked, even if you didn’t fully appreciate it at the time.

And when you finally got the thing running?

Blimey.

You’d practically invented the internet.

Well, not quite. But you know what I mean.

Here’s the thing that really strikes me when I think back to those early gaming days.

There were no save points.

You didn’t get to save your progress before the difficult bit. There was no autosave, no checkpoint, no helpful message telling you that your progress had been preserved.

If you ran out of lives, that was it.

If you switched the computer off, that was it.

And if Mum decided she’d had enough of the television being occupied and wanted to watch something else, well, your gaming career had just been terminated without consultation.

You started again.

And again.

And again.

We became remarkably good at accepting failure, dusting ourselves off and having another go. Perhaps that’s one of the things those old games taught us without us even realising it.

Although, in fairness, some of us also learned some rather colourful language.

I still think there’s something wonderful about those early games. Not because they were technically superior to what we have today, but because of what they represented.

They were new.

They were exciting.

They were ours.

We didn’t have online guides, walkthrough videos or somebody on YouTube explaining the entire game before we’d even loaded it. We figured things out ourselves, usually through trial and error, and occasionally through sheer bloody-minded determination.

Today, we have games with extraordinary graphics, enormous open worlds, cinematic storytelling and enough features to fill a small instruction manual.

And they’re brilliant.

But sometimes I wonder whether we’ve lost a little of that old magic.

That feeling of finally getting a game to load after half an hour of electronic screeching. That little thrill when you discovered how to get past a difficult section. That sense of achievement when you’d spent an entire afternoon trying to beat your previous score.

No downloads.

No day-one patches.

No subscription required to access your own memories.

Just a computer, a cassette tape and a few hours to spare.

And if the game crashed?

Well, you learned to live with disappointment.

Or you threatened to throw the Spectrum out of the window.

Usually both.

For me, the question isn’t simply which game came first. It’s about remembering a time when playing a videogame was an event in itself.

Maybe it was Horace Goes Skiing. Maybe it was Manic Miner, Jet Set Willy, or one of those home-coded adventures that took longer to type in than they did to play.

Perhaps your first game wasn’t on a Spectrum at all. Maybe it was an Atari, a Commodore 64, a BBC Micro or something else entirely.

Whatever it was, I’d wager you remember more about the experience than you do about the graphics.

Because those games weren’t just games.

They were afternoons spent with friends, arguments over whose turn it was, the frustration of losing your progress and the excitement of discovering something new.

And somewhere in the middle of all that, a generation of us became gamers.

Stay safe.

BC

Goals, Targets, and Other Things I Don’t Care About.

Do you set personal goals for yourself?

Ah, goals.

Those things we’re apparently supposed to set ourselves so we can become more productive, more successful, and generally a better version of ourselves.

You know the sort of thing.

Attend a motivational seminar, buy a rather expensive notebook, write down your five-year plan, and spend the next twelve months feeling guilty because life got in the way.

Yeah… I’ve never really gone in for all that.

Don’t get me wrong, I admire people who set themselves goals and work hard to achieve them. If that’s your thing, crack on. Good for you.

It’s just never really been my cup of tea.

I’ve never been particularly interested in turning my life into a spreadsheet, complete with targets, deadlines, and little boxes to tick.

I’m a poet, a photographer, and a professional rambler. I spend a good deal of my time scribbling words, taking photographs, and generally following whatever creative rabbit hole happens to catch my attention.

And honestly?

I quite like it that way.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to grow.

Of course I do.

I’d love to see my poetry reach more people. I’d love for my photography to find its way in front of a few more pairs of eyes. I’d love for the things I create to connect with somebody, somewhere, who might need them.

Who wouldn’t?

There’s something rather lovely about putting a little piece of yourself out into the world and discovering that somebody, somewhere, has connected with it.

Especially when that little piece of yourself started life as a few scribbles in your head.

But I’ve never felt the need to turn that desire into some grand, all-singing, all-dancing personal development programme.

No five-year plan.

No motivational posters telling me I can achieve anything if I just believe hard enough.

And absolutely no standing in front of a mirror at six in the morning, telling myself I’m going to conquer the world.

The neighbours would probably worry.

Besides, I’ve come to realise that life doesn’t always work according to plan. Sometimes things go brilliantly, sometimes they go spectacularly pear-shaped, and sometimes you spend an afternoon wondering what on earth you went into the kitchen for.

That’s life.

So, do I have a goal?

Well, I suppose I do.

Although calling it a goal might be stretching the definition somewhat.

At the end of every month, I have a little look at the number of interactions my creative work has received.

That’s it.

Nothing complicated.

My goal, if you can call it that, is simply to do as well as I did the previous month.

Not necessarily better.

Just the same would do nicely.

If the numbers go up, which they usually do, then that’s a lovely little bonus.

If they don’t?

I’m not going to beat myself up because a particular post didn’t reach as many people as the one before it.

Nor am I going to decide that my work has somehow become less valuable because an algorithm has had a funny five minutes.

After all, numbers can tell you how many people interacted with something.

They can’t always tell you what it meant to them.

And that’s an important distinction.

Because somewhere out there, somebody might read a poem of mine and feel a little less alone.

Somebody might look at a photograph and see something beautiful in an otherwise ordinary day.

Somebody might read one of these ramblings, have a little chuckle, or find a thought that stays with them long after they’ve closed the page.

I’ll probably never know about most of those moments.

And that’s okay.

I don’t need to.

If something I’ve created makes a difference to even one person, then there’s value in that which no monthly statistic can properly measure.

Perhaps that’s the thing about creativity.

You can spend hours worrying about reach, engagement, followers, likes, shares, and all the other things the internet has taught us we’re supposed to care about.

Or you can get on with creating things because you enjoy doing it, because you have something to say, or because sometimes putting words on a page is simply how you make sense of the world.

Personally, I’ll take the second option.

I’ll keep writing.

I’ll keep taking photographs.

I’ll keep sharing whatever happens to fall out of my head and onto the page.

And if more people find their way here along the way, then that’s wonderful.

But I’m not going to spend my life chasing a number.

Life’s a journey, after all.

And I’d rather enjoy the scenery than spend the entire trip staring at the satnav, worrying whether I’m getting there quickly enough.

Which brings me to something I really do want to say.

To those of you on the other side of this screen…

Thank you. Genuinely.

Whether you’ve been reading my scribbles for years or you’ve only stumbled across one of my ramblings today, I’m grateful you’re here.

Every comment, every like, every share, every message, and every moment you’ve taken out of your day to read something I’ve written means more than you probably realise.

I know the internet is a busy place. There’s an almost endless supply of things demanding our attention, and yet you’ve chosen to spend a little of your time here.

With me.

And that genuinely touches me.

I started writing because I had things I needed to get out of my head. Over the years, those scribbles have grown into something much bigger than I ever expected.

And the fact that other people have found something in them?

Well, that’s a rather lovely bonus, isn’t it?

So, no, I don’t have a grand plan for world domination.

I’m not aiming to become the next big thing.

I’m not sitting here plotting how to turn every waking moment into an opportunity for personal growth.

I’m just Bob.

An old soul with a head full of thoughts, a camera, a keyboard, and an apparently endless supply of things to ramble about.

I’ll keep doing what I do.

Creating, and keep putting my work out into the world.

And at the end of each month, I’ll have a little look at those numbers and see how things are going.

If they’re up, I’ll do an extra happy dance.

If they’re the same, I’ll be very happy.

And if they’re down?

Well, there’s always next month.

Because perhaps the point isn’t to keep setting bigger and bigger goals until we’re so busy chasing the next achievement that we forget to appreciate what we’ve already got.

Perhaps it’s about enjoying what we’re doing, appreciating the people who come along for the ride, and being grateful that we get to do it in the first place.

At least, that’s how I see it.

And once again, to everyone who reads, shares, comments, or simply stops by for a little while…

Thank you.

You’re appreciated more than you know.

Stay safe,

Bc

Still Dreaming, Still Learning

What’s something you’ve done that you never thought you could?

This one is very easy to answer.

In fact, I reckon I could probably give you two answers. Funny how life works out sometimes, isn’t it?

Around twenty years ago, I started writing poetry.

Well, poetry is probably what we’ll call it. Back then, I referred to them as my scribbles, and if I’m honest, that’s still a pretty good description of some of them.

I didn’t start writing because I wanted to be a poet. I wasn’t dreaming of seeing my name in magazines, winning awards, or having people read my words.

Nope.

I started writing because I needed to get the stuff in my head out of it.

My mental health was in a pretty rough place, and I needed a way to process the thoughts, emotions, and general chaos that I was struggling to make sense of. Writing became a form of therapy, a pressure valve, and eventually a way of understanding myself a little better.

It was never about being good enough for anyone else.

It was about trying to be okay.

As I kept writing, something unexpected happened. People started taking an interest in my words. I wrote a poem for a family member’s naming ceremony, and people began asking where I’d got it from.

When I told them I’d written it myself, they seemed rather surprised.

Truth be told, so was I!

Perhaps there was something in this poetry malarkey after all.

Fast-forward twenty years, and I’ve had my work published in magazines and books, written six books of my own, and even picked up awards for my poetry.

For a bloke who started writing just to try and keep his head above water never imagined that his words would find their way into print, let alone receive recognition.

I certainly didn’t set out with any of that in mind.

I was just trying to make sense of life, one scribble at a time.

And yet, somewhere along the way, those scribbles became something more.

They became my voice.

Then there’s the camera…

The second answer would obviously be photography.

I’ve always enjoyed taking pictures, but it was never something I thought of as a talent. When I got my first camera phone, I started snapping away at whatever caught my eye.

A bird. A landscape. Something interesting on a walk. Whatever took my fancy, really.

I wasn’t following some grand artistic vision. I wasn’t studying photography or worrying about aperture, shutter speeds, focal lengths, or any of those other technical things that proper photographers seem to know about.

I just liked taking pictures.

Still do, actually.

The difference is that people started noticing them.

Some of my photographs have been shared by local news outlets, which is something I certainly never expected when I first started pointing a phone at things and pressing a button.

And then there was the opportunity to photograph an event featuring Howard Jones.

Yes, THAT Howard Jones!

Genuine 80s pop royalty.

If you’d told me years ago that one day I’d be taking photographs at an event with someone whose music helped soundtrack an era, I’d probably have looked at you as though you’d been at the cooking sherry.

But it happened.

And that’s the thing about life. Sometimes you stumble into opportunities that you never even knew were possible, simply because you followed something you enjoyed.

No master plan. No five-year strategy. No carefully mapped-out career.

Just a bloke with a camera, taking pictures of things that caught his eye.

So what have I learned

I suppose the biggest lesson is that you don’t always need to know where something is going before you start.

Sometimes, you just need to begin.

You don’t have to be brilliant at something on day one. You don’t need qualifications, a grand ambition, or even the confidence to call yourself good at what you do.

Sometimes, you just need to give yourself permission to have a go.

For me, poetry started as a way of looking after my mental health. Photography started as a bit of fun.

Neither began with the intention of achieving anything spectacular.

And yet both have taken me places I never expected to go.

My poetry has been published, recognised, and awarded. My photographs have reached audiences I never imagined, and I’ve had opportunities that the younger version of me would probably have thought were beyond his reach.

Am I some sort of literary genius or photographic wizard?

Absolutely not.

I’m still learning. I’m still experimenting. I still write things that need a fair bit of work, and I still take photographs that don’t quite turn out the way I imagined.

But I keep going.

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last twenty years, it’s that you never really know what might come from doing something that makes you feel a little more like yourself.

Sometimes, the thing you start doing simply to survive becomes the thing that helps you thrive.

And sometimes, the hobby you pick up without a second thought turns into an opportunity you could never have dreamed of.

So, if you’re sitting there wondering whether you should give something a go, perhaps this is your nudge.

Write the poem.

Take the photograph.

Pick up the paintbrush.

Try the thing that’s been sitting at the back of your mind.

You don’t have to know where it will lead.

You just have to start.

Because twenty years ago, I was a bloke scribbling words to help make sense of his own head and taking pictures because something caught his eye.

I never imagined either would lead to the things they have.

And honestly?

I’m rather glad I gave them a go.

Stay safe.

BC

The Art of Saying Nothing.

Which celebrity would you love to meet, and what would you talk about?

There are plenty of celebrities I could name, but if I had the opportunity to sit down with anyone, I think it would have to be the Dalai Lama.

Now, before you all start imagining me sitting there asking deep and meaningful questions about the meaning of life, the universe, and everything, I have a confession to make.

I’d probably say very little.

Not because I’d have nothing to ask him, but because I suspect I’d have far more to gain by listening than by talking.

We live in a world where everyone seems to have something to say. Social media is full of opinions, arguments, and people determined to have the last word. We’re so busy thinking about what we’re going to say next that we sometimes forget to listen to the person in front of us.

So, imagine sitting across from someone who has spent a lifetime talking about compassion, kindness, and finding a little peace in a world that often seems determined to do the opposite.

Would I ask him how we fix the world? Perhaps.

Would I ask him how we learn to be kinder to one another? Probably.

Would I ask him how we find a little peace in our own heads when life gets a bit too much?

Quite possibly.

But I think the most important thing would be to give him the space to talk, without feeling the need to fill every silence with my own words.

I’m not sure I’d come away with all the answers. I’m not even sure I’d know what to say when the conversation ended.

But perhaps that’s the point.

Sometimes, we don’t need to be the cleverest person in the room. We don’t need to impress anyone, offer advice, or turn every conversation into an opportunity to share our own experiences.

Sometimes, we just need to shut up and listen.

And if I could spend an hour doing that with the Dalai Lama, listening to his thoughts on humanity, compassion, and life, I reckon that would be an hour well spent.

After all, you can learn an awful lot when you stop talking long enough to hear what someone else has to say.

Stay safe 

Bc

Scribbling Poems, to Chasing Light

I’m sure you’re all aware that, apart from my twenty-odd years as a fully qualified scribbleologist (poet to those who prefer the technical terminology), I’ve also had a longstanding love affair with photography. Words have always been my way of capturing the world, but lately I’ve discovered that a camera can do much the same thing — only with fewer syllables and considerably less punctuation.

And blimey, things seem to be gathering pace!

Since buying my first DSLR back in October last year, I’ve photographed a wedding, covered two Pride events (one of them as the main photographer, no less), and had the pleasure of photographing an evening fundraiser featuring the legendary Howard Jones. Yes, that Howard Jones. Eighties musical royalty, and me with a camera trying to look as though I know exactly what I’m doing.

Next up, I’ve another shoot this month at a poetry event hosted by local celebrity Tom Hirons. Which means I’ll be swapping between two of my favourite worlds: the one where people perform their words, and the one where I attempt to capture the moment before it disappears into the ether.

When I bought that camera, I rather fancied I’d take a few photographs, enjoy myself, and perhaps produce the occasional image that didn’t require an apology. I didn’t quite anticipate things moving along quite so quickly.

But here we are. One minute you’re experimenting with a new bit of kit, the next you’re photographing weddings, Pride celebrations and musical legends, with more opportunities popping up on the horizon.

It’s funny how life sometimes opens a door when you’re busy looking through a viewfinder.

So, between scribbling poems, chasing light and trying to remember which button does what, it seems this particular adventure is gathering momentum.

And if there’s one thing I’ve learnt after twenty-plus years of playing with words, it’s this: you never really know where a creative itch might lead you.

I’d better keep the batteries charged, then. It looks like I’m going to need them!

Totnes Castle (Totnes Times)
Ruth Theodore Totnes Pride.
Portrait of Howard Jones.
(Sherree Valentine-Daines)
The River Dart (Narnia)
Roses (Mirror photography, DSLR)
Raven (Paignton beach)

Put the Bloody Suitcase Down: Let Go, Find Peace, Live Free

What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?

If there’s one thing I wish I could sit my younger self down and explain, over a decent brew, it would be this:

You don’t have to carry everything.

Not every injustice needs to be revisited. Not every wrong needs to be replayed in your head a thousand times. And not every person who hurt you deserves to occupy so much space in your life long after they’ve gone.

I spent far too much time holding onto anger.

Replaying conversations.

Thinking about what I should have said.

Wondering why people did what they did.

And, of course, imagining all the wonderfully satisfying things I could say if I ever got the chance to have that conversation again.

Funny thing is, most of those conversations never happened.

But I still carried the anger.

And who was it hurting?

Me.

The people and situations I was angry about weren’t necessarily giving me a second thought. Yet there I was, dragging the past around like an overpacked suitcase I couldn’t bring myself to put down.

It took me a while to understand something rather important.

Letting go doesn’t mean what happened was acceptable.

It doesn’t mean forgiving everyone, forgetting the lessons, or pretending an injustice never happened.

It simply means refusing to let yesterday dictate how you live today.

There’s a little wisdom in Buddhism that I wish I’d understood much earlier. We suffer when we cling too tightly to things, including our anger, our expectations and our need for life to have been different.

The past has happened.

We can learn from it. We can grieve it. We can even be bloody furious about it for a while.

But we cannot change it.

At some point, we have to decide whether we want to keep carrying it.

These days, I try to look at anger a little differently. I acknowledge it, ask myself what it’s trying to tell me, and then try to let it go.

Some days, I manage that better than others. I’m human, after all.

But I’m learning that peace isn’t about winning every argument or getting the apology you deserved.

Sometimes peace is simply deciding that your happiness is worth more than your resentment.

So, to my younger self, if I could pass on just one piece of advice, it would be this:

Feel what you need to feel. Learn what you can. Stand up for yourself when you need to.

But when the time comes, put the bloody suitcase down.

You’ve got places to go, people to love, and a life to live.

Don’t waste it carrying yesterday into tomorrow.

Stay safe,

Bc

Strong Enough to Fight, Wise Enough not to

What does it mean to be a good person?

Ask ten people and you’ll probably get ten different answers. For me, it comes down to something rather simple: helping others, treating strangers with kindness, and trying to leave the world a little better than I found it.

Nothing revolutionary, is it? Although, given the state of the bloody world sometimes, you’d think kindness was a rare and endangered species.

But here’s the thing. Kindness isn’t weakness, and peace isn’t an inability to fight.

You can be compassionate without being a pushover. You can stand up for yourself and those you love without making aggression your default setting.

It’s why the idea of a demon hand and a Buddha heart resonates with me. Strength tempered by compassion. The ability to confront darkness without allowing it to dictate who you become.

I’ve been trained for war, but that doesn’t mean I want to spend my life fighting. Quite the opposite.

There’s a difference between being unable to hurt someone and having the capability to do so but choosing not to. One is a limitation. The other is restraint.

And restraint, in my opinion, takes a fair bit of strength.

We all have anger, pride and darker impulses. The question isn’t whether those feelings exist, but whether we allow them to control our actions. Just because somebody insults us doesn’t mean we have to respond. Just because we can win an argument doesn’t mean we should have it.

Sometimes, walking away is the strongest thing you can do. Not because you’re frightened, but because your peace of mind is worth more than having the last bloody word.

So, what makes someone a good person?

Not perfection. I’ve yet to meet anyone who has that particular trick figured out.

It’s about trying. Helping when you can. Admitting when you’re wrong. Apologising when you’ve hurt someone. Standing up for those who need it, setting boundaries when necessary, and having the courage to change your mind when life proves you wrong.

We can’t control how others behave, but we can take responsibility for how we respond.

For me, that’s the balance:

It’s known as Demon hand, Buddha heart. Strength without cruelty. Compassion without helplessness. Peace without pretending the world is always peaceful.

I don’t have to be harmless to be kind, weak to be gentle, or blind to the world’s darkness to choose not to add to it.

I can walk a path of peace while being prepared for war. But above all, I can choose to lead with my heart.

Will that change the world overnight? Probably not. I’m not that bloody optimistic.

But if we all made a little more effort to choose kindness over contempt, restraint over retaliation, and understanding over hatred, perhaps we’d make this place a little easier to live in.

Not perfect. Not without conflict.

Just a little kinder.

And honestly? I’d settle for that.

Stay safe,

BC

Sunday Snaps

Hand fasting
Godafos falls
Midnight sun Iceland

This week’s Sunday snaps is dedicated to Mrs Bob, my travel companion on this journey. She’s been a rock for me this week, and I can’t thank her enough.

Thank you, love xxx

Bc

The Car Stopped, I didn’t.

The accident was three seconds long.

Three seconds.

That’s all it took
to turn a road
into a place my body still remembers.

People asked if I was hurt.

I said no.

Because I could walk.
Because nothing was broken.
Because the blood belonged to somebody else’s panic
and the bruises faded
like they had somewhere better to be.

But nobody asks the nervous system
what it thinks happened.

Nobody tells your hands
that they’re allowed to stop shaking.

Nobody explains to your heart
that the car is no longer spinning.

So now—

every sudden brake light
is a memory with headlights.

Every tyre screech
is a door opening
to the same three seconds.

I flinch at roundabouts.

I count cars.

I sit in the passenger seat
and press my foot into the floor
as if I can find a brake pedal
that isn’t there.

Sometimes I hear the crash
when the room is completely silent.

And that is the cruelest part.

The world looks at me
and sees someone who survived.

I look at the world
and see potential impact.

They told me I was lucky.

I know they meant it kindly.

But luck is a strange word
when your body survives
and your mind becomes the crime scene.

There are no stitches for this.

No plaster cast.

No X-ray that says,

Here.
This is where it hurts.

So I learned to carry an invisible injury
through visible places.

I laugh.

I go to work.

I answer questions.

I say I’m fine
because “I’m remembering the moment I almost died”
is not considered (or socially) appropriate small talk.

And sometimes I wonder
if healing is supposed to feel like forgetting.

I hope not.

Because I don’t want to forget.

I just want to remember
without fucking reliving it.

I want a red light
to become just a red light again.

I want the sound of tyres
to belong to the road
instead of my nightmares.

I want my body
to understand what my mind keeps refusing to believe:

The crash is over.

The car stopped.

I survived.

And this time,

when I close my eyes,

I want the darkness
to be nothing more
than darkness.

(c)BobChristian