I Finally Realised I Know Nothing

What’s a moment when you realized you were officially an adult?

That’s actually quite a difficult question.

You might expect the answer to be something obvious.

Getting your first proper job.

Paying your first bill.

Buying your first house.

Or perhaps that moment when you realise that nobody is going to come along and tell you what you’re supposed to be doing anymore.

For me, though, it was none of those things.

I think it was when I finally learned to let go.

And, perhaps more importantly, when I realised that I actually knew absolutely nothing.

Now, that might sound like a strange thing to associate with becoming an adult.

Surely adulthood is about knowing things?

Having the answers.

Being responsible.

Knowing what you’re doing.

Apparently not.

Because the older I get, the more I realise that I don’t have all the answers.

I probably never did.

I just got better at pretending I did.

When you’re younger, you tend to think adults have everything figured out. Your parents seem to know everything. Teachers know everything. People at work definitely know everything.

Then, one day, you become one of those adults.

And you suddenly realise we’re all just making it up as we go along.

Some of us are just better at looking confident while doing it.

For a long time, I thought I had to hold on to everything.

Old arguments.

Old mistakes.

People who had hurt me.

Things I’d done that I wished I could undo.

The idea that I could somehow control what other people thought, said or did.

And that’s exhausting.

Eventually, I realised that some things simply aren’t mine to carry.

You can’t change the past.

You can’t control other people.

You can’t make everyone understand you.

And sometimes you can’t even make yourself understand why you’ve done something until years later.

So you let go.

Not because it doesn’t matter.

Not because it didn’t hurt.

But because carrying it around forever isn’t going to change what happened.

That’s when I think I finally started growing up.

Not when I got older.

Not when I had responsibilities.

Not when I became a husband, a father or eventually a grandfather.

It was when I stopped believing that adulthood meant having all the answers.

Because perhaps real adulthood is recognising how little you actually know.

And being comfortable with that.

I’m still learning.

I’ll probably still be learning when I’m an old bloke complaining about the price of a pasty and wondering why everything needs an app.

But that’s okay.

Life isn’t a test where you eventually reach the final question and someone hands you a certificate saying:

Congratulations. You are now officially an adult.

There isn’t one.

There are just experiences.

Mistakes.

Lessons.

People who come into your life.

People who leave it.

Things you hold on to.

And things you eventually learn to let go.

And perhaps that’s the real trick.

Not knowing everything.

Just knowing that you don’t.

Stay safe

Bc

Different Paths, Same Journey: Being a Buddhist Freemason

People often look at me a bit sideways when they discover I’m both a (lay) Buddhist and a Freemason.

Usually there’s a pause.

You can almost hear the gears grinding.

“Aren’t those two things contradictory?”

Honestly?

No more contradictory than being a poet who also loves archery, or an autistic bloke who can lose himself for hours behind a camera, quietly watching the world through a lens.

Human beings are complicated creatures. We contain multitudes, contradictions, rough edges and unfinished thoughts. That’s part of the beauty of it all.

The truth is, Buddhism and Freemasonry actually complement one another in ways many people don’t realise.

Both are less about blind belief and more about self-improvement.

Both ask uncomfortable questions.

Both encourage reflection.

And neither hands you all the answers wrapped up neatly with a bow.

That part matters.

Because I’ve never trusted anyone claiming to possess absolute truth. History tends to show that certainty often causes more damage than doubt ever did.

Buddhism taught me stillness.

Or at least the attempt at it.

Anyone who knows me personally will probably laugh at the idea of my brain being still. My mind has always felt like several televisions all playing different channels at once. Thoughts colliding with memories, anxieties wrestling with imagination.

But Buddhism introduced me to the idea that I don’t have to fight every thought that enters my head.

Sometimes you just observe it.

Let it pass like weather.

Not every storm needs chasing.

That alone changed a great deal in my life.

Freemasonry, on the other hand, gave me structure.

Not control — structure.

There’s a difference.

It gave me symbolism, ritual, tradition and the reminder that becoming a better man is an ongoing process rather than a final destination. Contrary to all the strange conspiracy theories, most of Freemasonry is far less dramatic than people imagine. It’s ordinary people trying, imperfectly, to improve themselves and help others along the way.

There’s something deeply human about that.

Both paths also share another thing in common:

Humility.

A Buddhist understands suffering is universal.

A Freemason understands no stone is perfectly shaped.

Both acknowledge imperfection not as failure, but as part of the work itself.

And maybe that’s why the two fit together so naturally for me.

Neither demands I hate others for believing differently.

Neither tells me I alone possess divine truth.

Neither asks me to stop questioning.

If anything, both encourage it.

I’ve sat in forests listening to birdsong and felt something sacred.

I’ve stood in lodge during moments of quiet reflection and felt the same thing.

Different rooms.

Same silence.

Same sense of connection to something bigger than ego and noise.

That’s probably the part many people misunderstand about spirituality.

It isn’t always about certainty.

Sometimes it’s about awareness.

Compassion.

Patience.

Trying to leave the world slightly kinder than you found it.

Failing occasionally.

Trying again anyway.

I’m not interested in converting anyone.

Truthfully, I think people spend too much time arguing over whose path is “correct” and not enough time asking whether they’re actually walking theirs with honesty.

Because a belief system means very little if it doesn’t make you kinder.

Or calmer.

Or more understanding toward others.

If your spirituality only teaches you who to hate, you’ve probably missed the point entirely.

For me, being a Buddhist Freemason simply means I’m still learning.

Still building.

Still trying to smooth some of the rougher corners off myself while accepting a few will probably always remain.

And perhaps that’s enough.

Stay safe,

BC

Charlie Mike

If you had a time machine and could send just one message to your past self, what would it say?

If I could send just one message back to the person I was, it would be this:

No matter how dark life becomes, you’re going to get through it.

There will be times when you genuinely believe the pain will never end. You’ll carry anger, fear, grief and questions you don’t yet have answers for. You’ll have moments when giving up seems easier than taking another step.

But keep going.

You don’t know it yet, but the hardest chapters of your life aren’t the end of your story. They’re the chapters that will teach you just how strong you are, and eventually, how to let go of the things that were never yours to carry forever.

You will find peace.

Not because life suddenly becomes perfect—it doesn’t. But because you’ll learn that peace isn’t about changing the past or controlling everything around you. It’s about accepting what you cannot change, letting go of what weighs you down, and choosing to keep moving forward.

So breathe.

Stay.

Keep going.

There is a life waiting for you that you cannot imagine from where you’re standing now.

And trust me…

“you’re going to be okay.

Stay safe

Bc

Forget Pythagoras, Teach Me How To Live

What’s a thing you wish schools actually taught?

For me, the answer is pretty straightforward.

Life.

Not all of it, obviously. I’m not expecting a fourteen-year-old to be taught how to navigate a midlife crisis, assemble flat-pack furniture without swearing, or explain to their children why Dad is hiding in the shed.

Although, actually, that last one might be quite useful.

But there are an awful lot of things I was taught at school that, despite having passed exams and presumably being considered important at the time, have rarely been useful to me since.

Pythagoras’ theorem springs to mind.

Now before all the mathematicians come charging at me with their calculators, I’m not saying mathematics isn’t important.

It absolutely is.

But I can’t remember the last time I stood in my garden, looked at two sides of a triangle and thought:

“Hang on a minute, I know exactly what to do here.”

Meanwhile, nobody thought it might be useful to teach me how to balance a household budget.

Or how tax actually works.

Or what all those frightening numbers and boxes on official forms mean.

Nobody sat me down and explained mortgages, interest rates, borrowing, credit scores, insurance or the simple financial reality that earning £2,000 doesn’t mean you’ve got £2,000 to spend.

Those are things most of us eventually have to learn.

Usually by making mistakes.

Sometimes expensive ones.

And then there’s the practical stuff.

How to put up a shelf without it falling off the wall five minutes later.

How to unblock a sink.

How to change a tap washer.

How to find a stud.

How to use basic tools properly.

How to assemble something from instructions without immediately deciding that whoever designed it was a complete bastard.

Even something as simple as changing a wheel on a car.

These are basic life skills.

And yet I don’t remember anyone teaching them.

I actually learnt more about practical things from my brother Tim and my mates than I ever did sitting in a classroom.

I had an old Honda 90cc, and between taking that thing apart, putting it back together and occasionally wondering why I’d ended up with several mysterious bolts left over, I learnt a surprising amount about mechanics.

I learnt how things work.

How to diagnose a problem.

How to use tools.

How to fix something rather than immediately deciding it was broken beyond repair.

More importantly, I learnt that you don’t necessarily need to know everything before you start.

Sometimes you just need to have a go.

Those lessons have stayed with me.

I’ve used them throughout my life.

I’ve fixed things.

I’ve built things.

I’ve taken things apart.

I’ve occasionally broken things while trying to fix them, but that’s part of the educational process too.

And I suspect I’ve used those lessons far more often than I’ve used my knowledge of the mitochondria being the powerhouse of the cell.

Sorry, mitochondria.

You had your chance.

I’m not arguing that schools should stop teaching academic subjects.

Of course they shouldn’t.

Education isn’t simply about producing people who can balance a cheque book and change a tyre.

We need scientists.

Engineers.

Historians.

Artists.

Teachers.

Doctors.

Writers.

Mathematicians.

People who understand literature, politics, science, philosophy and the world around them.

Knowledge matters.

But so does knowing what to do when the washing machine starts making a noise that sounds suspiciously like a small aircraft attempting an emergency landing.

Perhaps education needs a bit more balance.

Teach the theory, absolutely.

But teach us what to do with it.

Give teenagers a basic understanding of money.

Show them how rent, mortgages, bills and household budgets actually work.

Explain taxes.

Teach them how contracts work and why you shouldn’t sign something you haven’t read.

Teach basic cooking.

Basic first aid.

Basic DIY.

Basic car maintenance.

How to change a tyre.

How to safely change a fuse or plug.

How to use a drill without removing a finger.

How to recognise when something is beyond your ability and when you need to call someone who actually knows what they’re doing.

And perhaps most importantly, teach them that asking for help isn’t failure.

Because eventually, every child leaves school.

They become adults.

They get jobs.

They rent houses.

They buy homes.

They have children.

They encounter broken boilers, flat tyres, tax forms, insurance documents, dodgy washing machines and bank statements that seem to have been written in a language known only to accountants.

And suddenly they’re expected to know what they’re doing.

Except nobody actually taught them.

We spend years preparing young people for exams.

Perhaps we should spend a little more time preparing them for the bit that comes afterwards.

Because life doesn’t come with an answer sheet at the back of the book.

Sometimes the answer is simply:

“Right, let’s have a look and see if I can fix it.”

And honestly, that’s probably one of the most useful things my old Honda ever taught me.

Stay safe

Bc

The Hobbit I Never Expected to Become

Who is the fictional character you relate to the most?

There are quite a few fictional characters I’ve admired over the years.

Batman for his determination.

Samwise Gamgee for his loyalty.

Dave Lister from Red Dwarf because, despite the chaos around him, he somehow muddles through with humour intact.

But if I’m being asked which fictional character I actually relate to the most…

It has to be Bilbo Baggins.

Not because I dream of fighting dragons or stumbling across magical rings. In fact, given the choice, I’d much rather leave the dragon to someone considerably younger and fitter.

It’s because Bilbo never quite feels like he belongs in the adventure he’s been thrown into.

He’d rather be home.

Tea brewing.

Book in hand.

Knowing exactly where everything is.

That resonates with me more than I’d care to admit.

As an autistic man, I’ve often felt as though the world handed everyone else an instruction manual and that somehow mine got lost in the post. Social situations can be exhausting. Change isn’t always exciting. Crowds, noise and unpredictability can drain me long before anyone else notices there’s anything to be drained by. I’ve spent much of my life trying to understand rules that other people seem to absorb without even thinking about them.

And yet…

Like Bilbo, life has repeatedly nudged me out of my comfortable little hobbit hole.

Moving across the country.

Changing careers.

Standing in front of audiences.

Publishing poetry.

Talking openly about autism and mental health.

None of those things were part of some grand master plan. They simply became the next step along the path. Looking back, many of the moments that felt most uncomfortable at the time became the ones that shaped me the most.

What I also admire about Bilbo is that he isn’t driven by power.

He’s driven by curiosity.

Kindness.

Common sense.

He solves as many problems with compassion and wit as he does with courage.

Those are qualities I value far more than brute strength.

I also suspect we’d get on rather well over a meal.

Anyone capable of appreciating breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner and supper clearly has their priorities in order. In a world that insists on rushing everything, there’s something wonderfully comforting about someone who understands that conversations should never be hurried.

Perhaps that’s why Bilbo continues to endure as a character.

He reminds us that ordinary people are capable of extraordinary things without ever losing sight of who they are.

You don’t have to be fearless.

You don’t have to be the strongest person in the room.

Sometimes it’s enough simply to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when every instinct is telling you to turn around and head home.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve realised that courage rarely looks like Hollywood tells us it should.

More often, it looks like showing up.

Being kind.

Admitting when you’re wrong.

Learning something new.

Writing another poem.

Helping another person.

Or simply choosing to keep going when life would give you every excuse not to.

Bilbo would probably say he was never really a hero.

I suspect that’s exactly why so many of us see one in him.

Stay safe,

BC

The Best Advice I Can Ever Give You

If you had to give one life-changing tip, what would it be?

If I had to give just one life-changing tip, it would be this:

Look after your mental health just as much as your physical health.

We spend hours thinking about our bodies. We count our steps, join gyms, watch what we eat, and book check-ups when something doesn’t feel right. Yet when it comes to our minds, many of us simply hope we’ll be okay.

Hope isn’t a strategy.

The truth is, your mind is involved in every decision you make, every relationship you build, every challenge you face, and every dream you pursue. If your mental wellbeing is neglected, everything else eventually feels harder. Stress becomes overwhelming. Small problems become mountains. Joy becomes difficult to recognise.

For far too long, we’ve been taught to “keep going,” “man up,” or “just get on with it.” Those phrases have probably caused more harm than they’ll ever receive credit for. Strength isn’t found in suffering silently. Real strength is recognising when you’re struggling and having the courage to speak up.

Looking after your mental health doesn’t always mean counselling or medication, although both can be life-changing for many people. Sometimes it means getting enough sleep. Sometimes it means putting your phone down and taking a walk. Sometimes it’s saying “no” without feeling guilty. Sometimes it’s talking honestly with a friend over a cup of tea.

And sometimes it’s simply admitting, “I’m not okay today.”

There’s no shame in that.

We service our cars before they break down. We charge our phones before the battery reaches zero. Yet so many of us wait until we’re completely exhausted before giving ourselves permission to rest.

Imagine if we treated our minds with the same care we treat our bodies.

The world would be a kinder place.

So, if there’s one thing I’d encourage you to do today, it’s this: check in with yourself. Not the automatic “I’m fine” we all give, but a genuine moment of honesty. Ask yourself how you’re really doing.

Because your mental health isn’t a luxury.

It’s the foundation everything else is built upon.

Stay safe.

BC

We’ve Become Smarter… But Less Capable

What’s a skill you consider basic, that most people don’t actually know how to do?

Read a map.

Use a compass.

Administer basic first aid.

Look after yourself if things don’t go to plan.

In other words, the sort of skills many of us picked up through Scouts, the Cadets, the military, or simply from parents and grandparents who believed you should know how to do practical things.

It’s funny really.

We’ve got access to more information than any generation in history. We carry supercomputers in our pockets. We can ask AI almost any question imaginable and get an answer in seconds.

Yet many people would be completely lost—literally—if their phone battery died.

I remember when learning to read an Ordnance Survey map wasn’t unusual. You learned what the symbols meant, how contour lines worked and, if you were lucky, someone would hand you a compass and expect you to work out where you were.

There was no blue dot showing your location.

You had to think.

The same applies to first aid.

I’m always surprised by how few people know what to do when someone collapses, how to deal with a serious cut or even how to make someone comfortable until help arrives.

These aren’t specialist skills reserved for doctors or mountain rescue teams.

They’re simply useful.

Hopefully you’ll never need them.

But if you do, you’ll be very glad you learned them.

The same can be said for lighting a fire, putting up a shelter, purifying water or tying a decent knot. They’re not about preparing for the apocalypse; they’re about understanding the world around you and having the confidence to deal with it.

Looking back, I realise Scouts and later the Army taught me far more than outdoor skills.

They taught self-reliance.

Responsibility.

Teamwork.

The ability to stop, assess a situation and solve a problem without immediately reaching for someone else to fix it.

Perhaps that’s what concerns me most.

We’ve become brilliant at finding answers, but we’re losing the ability to work things out for ourselves.

Convenience is wonderful.

Technology is incredible.

Neither should replace capability.

There’s something reassuring about knowing that if the sat-nav stops working, you’ll still get home.

If someone gets hurt, you can help.

If circumstances change, you can adapt.

Those aren’t old-fashioned skills.

They’re timeless ones.

Maybe it’s time we started teaching them again.

Not because the world is becoming more dangerous.

But because capable people make stronger families, stronger communities and, ultimately, a stronger society.

And if, along the way, a few more young people discover the joy of getting gloriously lost with nothing more than a map, a compass and a bit of common sense…

…I don’t think that would be a bad thing at all

Stay safe 

Bc

Ten Years of Words, Thoughts and a Journey I Never Expected

Well, it turns out it’s my website’s birthday.

Ten years ago, I sat down and started building something from scratch. At the time, it was simply a place to put my thoughts, feelings and experiences into words — a way of making sense of the world around me after being diagnosed as Autistic. (Looking back it makes sense)

I don’t think, even in my wildest dreams, I could have imagined where that small beginning would lead me.

Ten years later, this little corner of the internet has become so much more than a website. It has become a place for connection, understanding and shared experiences. It has allowed me to tell my story, to open conversations, and to hopefully help others feel a little less alone on their own journeys.

When I first started writing, I had no idea who would read my words or where they would take me. I certainly never imagined that so many people would come along for the ride, follow my journey and offer their support along the way.

For that, I am truly grateful.

To everyone who has read a blog post, shared a story, sent a message, offered encouragement or simply taken the time to understand — thank you. Your support has meant more than you probably realise. Every interaction has been a reminder that sharing our experiences can create connections that we never expected.

Of course, there is one person who deserves a very special thank you: Mrs Bob.

Behind the scenes, she has been my constant support throughout this entire journey. She has written, proofread, made phone calls, helped shape my thoughts and, most importantly, been my neurotypical whisperer when I’ve needed someone to help translate my way of seeing the world.

She has worked tirelessly alongside me, often without recognition, and I honestly couldn’t have reached this point without her.

Looking back over these ten years, I realise this website has been a record of growth, discovery and acceptance. It has captured moments of frustration, joy, learning and everything in between.

The journey hasn’t always been straightforward, but it has always been mine.

So, on this tenth birthday, I’m not just celebrating a website. I’m celebrating the conversations started, the friendships made, the lessons learned and the incredible community that has grown around it.

Thank you for being part of my journey.

Here’s to the next chapter.

Bob

Stay safe

Bc

Ps here’s that first post I put out…

https://bob-christian.com/2016/07/31/hello/

Sunday snaps

This week I’ve been practicing my macro photography, and it’s been mainly Bees. Firstly is a type of wasp (I think) called a YellowJacket.The Bumblebee pics are from the lavender in the garden, it’s a popular spot.

Yellowjacket
Bumblebee
Bumblebee

We Did This In Eighteen Minutes

The Earth has been writing her story
for around four and a half billion years.

Mountains have risen,
oceans have learned the language of the moon,
forests have breathed in silence,
and life has patiently rehearsed
every possible way
to exist.

Then we arrived.

If all that time
were folded neatly
into a single year,

humanity
wouldn’t appear in January,
or July,
or even Christmas morning.

We would step onto the stage
with barely eighteen minutes
until midnight.

Eighteen minutes.

That’s all we’ve needed
to crown ourselves kings
of a kingdom
we didn’t build.

We point at our cities,
our satellites,
our machines that reach beyond the stars,
and call it progress.

Yet somehow,
the hands clever enough
to map distant galaxies
still struggle
to protect the soil
beneath their own feet.

We’ve spent fortunes
looking for another world
while treating this one
like somewhere we’re only passing through.

In those eighteen minutes,
entire voices
have fallen silent.

Species that survived
ice ages,
volcanoes,
asteroids,
have not survived us.

Every extinction
is another verse
removed from Earth’s oldest song.

And still,
the forests whisper.

The rivers remember.

The wind carries warnings
we keep mistaking
for background noise.

Hotter summers.

Stronger storms.

Longer droughts.

Skies that burn.

The planet isn’t seeking revenge.

She’s showing us
the consequence
of forgetting
that we belong to her,
not the other way around.

But this isn’t the end
unless we decide it is.

Because every generation
inherits a pen.

Some use it
to sign away tomorrow.

Others
write a different future.

Every tree planted.
Every river restored.
Every choice made
with something beyond ourselves in mind
becomes another sentence
in a story worth continuing.

Perhaps our eighteen minutes
will not be remembered
for how quickly we conquered,

but for the moment
we finally understood

that the greatest measure
of intelligence
was never how far
we could travel from Earth—

it was whether we learned
how to stay.

(c)BobChristian