Becoming the Men Who Built Me

There’s a strange thing that happens as you get older.

You spend most of your youth trying desperately to become your own person — carving out your own identity, your own voice, your own little corner of the world. 

You swear blind you’ll never become your parents, never pick up the odd habits of your grandparents, never start saying things like:

“Don’t leave that light on, it’s like Blackpool illuminations in here.”

And then one day…

You catch yourself doing exactly that.

For me, it happened in the shed.

Now, if you’ve read my ramblings before, you’ll know there’s always a shed somewhere in the story. Like some recurring side character that quietly steals the scene. But sheds aren’t really about wood and nails and rusty hinges, are they?

Not really.

They’re memory boxes.

Little sanctuaries built out of timber, silence, and inherited habits.

When I was younger, both my grandads had sheds — though, much like the men themselves, they were completely different worlds.

My maternal grandad, Walter was a  retired firefighter and gentleman of the old school variety, had a shed that smelled of compost, damp wood, and honest work. Plant pots stacked everywhere. Garden canes leaning in corners. Twine, tools, and jars full of screws that “might come in useful one day.”

There was always an old bit of carpet on the floor.


Always a greenhouse nearby.
Always tomatoes growing somewhere.

His shed wasn’t tidy by modern standards, but it made sense in the way only a working man’s shed can. Every object had a purpose. Every scratch and stain told a story.

And him?

He was happiest there.

Not because it was an escape from life —
but because it was life.

Quietly creating.
Quietly fixing.
Quietly tending.

Then there was my paternal grandfather Sydney — a former Rolls Royce engineer with the larger-than-life personality and a shed that felt more like a workshop for some eccentric inventor. Freezers, tools, cables, bits of machinery, shelves packed with things no child understood but instinctively believed were important.

He approached life like an engineer and a comedian trapped in the same body.

One minute he’d be discussing something technical enough to launch a rocket, and the next he’d be making ridiculous noises or blowing raspberries just to make us laugh.

And somehow, despite being worlds apart, both men found peace in exactly the same place.

A shed.
A chair.
Something to tinker with.
A bit of quiet.

Funny, that.

Now I’m older — older than I ever imagined myself becoming when I was young and invincible — I’ve realised I’m becoming a strange hybrid of both of them.

I’ll spend one afternoon carefully organising tools and muttering about “doing the job properly,” then the next I’m wandering around annoying Mrs Bob with terrible jokes and sound effects like a man who’s escaped supervised care.

I catch myself polishing shoes properly.
Taking pride in appearance.
Pottering in the garden.
Sitting in the shed just listening to the rain on the roof.

And honestly?

I don’t mind it one bit.

Because the older I get, the more I realise inheritance isn’t always money, property, or genetics.

Sometimes inheritance is smaller than that.

It’s habits.

Expressions.

Ways of sitting quietly with yourself.

The understanding that peace can sometimes be found with a mug of coffee in a shed while the world carries on without you for half an hour.

My own shed these days is a mixture of both men.

There’s the practical side — tools, chargers, bits of wood I refuse to throw away because they might become useful in approximately seventeen years time.

Then there’s the softer side.

A chair.
A rug.
A notebook.
A place to write scribbles that occasionally become poetry.

It’s not glamorous.
It’s not Pinterest-worthy.
And it certainly wouldn’t survive one of those minimalist home makeover shows.

But it’s mine.

And somewhere in its walls live echoes of both the men who helped shape me.

The firefighter with soil on his hands and kindness in his heart.

And the engineer with a sharp mind and an even sharper sense of humour.

Maybe becoming your grandparents isn’t something to fear after all.

Maybe, if you’re lucky, it’s something to be grateful for.

Because one day you realise the people you loved never really leave.

They remain in the small things.

In the way you make tea.
In the way you speak.
In the habits you never consciously chose.

Or in the way you smile quietly to yourself while sitting in a shed on a warm afternoon, completely at peace for the first time all week.

Stay safe

Bc

The Poetry That Saved My Life

What are you passionate about?

People often ask me what I’m passionate about.

The answer usually surprises them.

Sure, I love comic books. I love photography. And I’m definitely passionate about Mrs Bob—but that’s a story for another day.

The thing that truly sets my soul on fire is poetry and mental health awareness.

At first glance, they might seem like two completely different worlds. One is art. The other is survival.

But for me, they’re inseparable.

Because poetry helped save my life.

More than twenty years ago, I wasn’t the happy, well-adjusted bloke many people know today. In truth, I was a mess. My mental health was spiralling dangerously out of control. I was drinking heavily, drowning emotions I didn’t understand, and convincing myself that I had to carry every burden alone.

Like many men of my generation, I believed I had to “man up.”

Keep quiet.

Stay strong.

Don’t talk about it.

But silence can be a dangerous thing.

There were times when the darkness became so overwhelming that I tried to end my life. More than once.

Eventually, after waking up in the resuscitation room of my local hospital following one particularly close call, something shifted inside me. Looking back now, I realise it was a crossroads.

I could continue pretending everything was fine until it killed me.

Or I could ask for help.

I chose help.

Not because I was brave.

Not because I suddenly had all the answers.

But because I looked at my two young children and realised I couldn’t leave them growing up without a father.

For the first time in my life, I stopped trying to fight alone.

One of the professionals helping me suggested I start writing down my thoughts and emotions. The idea was simple: get the chaos out of my head and onto paper so I could begin to understand it.

At first, I filled notebook after notebook with late-night scribbles. Thoughts. Fears. Anger. Pain. Hope. Anything that was bouncing around inside my head.

Then something unexpected happened.

As I read back through those pages, I started arranging some of the words into verses. The emotions were still raw and chaotic, but now they had rhythm and shape.

It wasn’t poetry as I know it today.

It was closer to rap lyrics.

But it was the beginning.

The real turning point came when I wrote a piece for a family member’s naming ceremony. Afterwards, people kept asking me where I’d found the poem.

When I told them I’d written it myself, they seemed genuinely surprised.

And so was I.

For the first time, I allowed myself to think:

Maybe I’m a poet.

Over the following two decades, I spent countless hours learning, practising, refining and developing my craft. Every poem taught me something new—not just about writing, but about myself.

In the early days, poetry was my pressure valve.

A way of releasing everything that threatened to consume me.

My work was dark.

Unflinching.

Sometimes uncomfortable.

I wrote about depression, self-harm, suicide and the realities of living with poor mental health. Topics many people preferred not to talk about.

But those conversations mattered.

They still do.

Today, my writing covers a wider range of subjects. There’s more light alongside the darkness. More hope alongside the pain.

Yet mental health remains close to my heart.

Particularly men’s mental health.

I’ve been inspired by some incredible slam poets and advocates who have used their voices to challenge the outdated belief that men should suffer in silence. The idea that being strong means never showing vulnerability. The lie that asking for help is weakness.

Because it isn’t.

Real strength is speaking up.

Real strength is reaching out.

Real strength is staying.

The truth is that there are countless blokes out there who are fighting battles nobody else can see. Men who smile on the outside while struggling desperately on the inside. Men who believe they’re alone.

They’re not.

And that’s why I keep writing.

Because somewhere, someone might be reading these words and recognising a piece of themselves.

Someone who feels exhausted.

Someone who feels trapped.

Someone who is standing closer to the edge than anyone realises.

If my poetry, my story, or my words can make just one person pause for a moment and choose to talk to someone—anyone—instead of suffering alone, then every difficult chapter of my journey has been worthwhile.

Because poetry didn’t just give me a voice.

It gave me a future.

And if sharing that future helps someone else find theirs, then I’ll keep writing for as long as I have words left to write.

Stay safe

Bc

A Good Heart and a Moral Compass

What are the most important things needed to live a good life?

People spend a lot of time chasing the secret to a good life.

More money.

A bigger house.

A better job.

More followers.

More stuff.

Yet the older I get, the more I realise that most of those things are optional.

The foundations of a good life are surprisingly simple.

First, you need a solid moral compass.

Not somebody else’s.

Your own.

A set of values that helps you recognise the difference between right and wrong, especially when nobody is watching. Life becomes a lot easier when your decisions are guided by principles instead of convenience.

The second thing is a good heart.

Good intentions matter.

Treat people with kindness.

Show compassion when you can.

Help where you’re able.

The world already has enough people looking out only for themselves. It never seems to have enough people genuinely trying to leave things a little better than they found them.

Will you always get it right?

No.

None of us do.

We’re human. We make mistakes. We stumble. We learn.

What matters is that you keep trying.

A good life isn’t built on perfection.

It’s built on character.

A solid moral compass.

A good heart.

And the willingness to keep moving forward when life gets messy.

Everything else is just decoration.

Stay safe,

Bc

The Company We Keep

Who do you spend the most time with?

I’ve noticed that the older I get, the smaller my circle becomes.

During the working day, I spend most of my time with two other people. We’re a close-knit team and, after enough hours together, you end up knowing each other’s habits, quirks, and coffee requirements better than you probably should. 

Outside of work, it’s mostly Mrs Bob and our cat Tiddles (which, for legal reasons and feline dignity, is not actually her name).

Truthfully, I’m not a particularly social creature.

I don’t go out much unless it’s lodge night, Saturday coffee morning, or I’ve wandered off somewhere with a camera looking for birds that refuse to sit still long enough to be photographed. 

And I’m perfectly content with that.

So, who do I spend the most time with?

The people who matter.

Because if I’m choosing to spend lots of time with you when nobody is paying either of us to be there, then you’re probably someone rather special to me.

And these days, that feels like time well spent.

Stay safe,

Bc.

How to Build a Coffin Out of Silence

They keep saying “Man Up”

Like silence is some kind of sacrament.

Like swallowing your grief whole

Is how you earn your stripes.


But I’ve seen what that silence does.

I’ve seen it wrap around a neck,

Like a necktie turned noose.

I’ve seen boys hide their hearts, and call it manhood.


Boys don’t cry.

Nah.  They just punch walls.

Break their own knuckles.

Drink, hoping for a solution

Until it’s someone else’s problem.

Until it’s their funeral.


And we call that strength?


Eighty percent. That’s not a number.

That’s a mass grave. A choir of voices

That were only echoes. 

Just statistics.


Just “He was such a good guy.

He was always laughing…

Even after the desert stopped being a location

And started being an emotional state.”


We’re told to be tough,

But we’re never taught to be whole. 

Told to carry the weight,

Yet we’re never told how to put it down.


They call it manhood. I call it emotional malpractice.

And I’m done treating tenderness like a threat.

Done pretending that depression wears a hoodie.

And not a three-piece suit or a uniform.


Because mental health is not a solo act.

It’s a group text at 2am…

It’s “You good?

It’s “Nah, but thanks for asking.”

It’s therapy without shame.

It’s community without competition.

It’s crying in the open, but not being called broken.


So yeah… Man down is not a defeat.

It’s a signal flare.

A Mayday call.

A prayer we are finally brave enough to say out loud.


And if you’ve made it this far; your heart is still beating

Under all that armour (real or remembered),

And this is your permission…

To rest. To rage. To reach.


This is your poem. This is your mirror.

This is your reason to stay.

Because feeling isn’t failing.

It’s fighting back.

The Most Dangerous Words Men Still Hear.

I’ve been thinking about two words recently.

Two tiny words.

Two words that have probably done more damage to men than we would ever care to admit.

Man up.

Simple, right?

Harmless, even.

Just a phrase.

Except it isn’t.

It’s a command.

An order.

A warning.

A lesson many of us were taught long before we were old enough to understand what it meant.

You fell over and hurt yourself?

Man up.

Heart broken?

Man up.

Scared?

Man up.

Depressed?

Man up.

Anxious?

Man up.

Struggling to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders?

You guessed it.

Man up.

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that being a man meant being silent.

We learned that tears were weakness.

That vulnerability was dangerous.

That asking for help was somehow failure.

So we became experts at hiding.

We hid behind humour.

Behind work.

Behind alcohol.

Behind anger.

Behind “I’m fine.”

Especially behind “I’m fine.”

Because that’s the magic trick, isn’t it?

The greatest performance most men ever give.

Standing there with a smile on their face while their world burns quietly behind their eyes.

The trouble is, pain doesn’t disappear just because you refuse to acknowledge it.

It doesn’t pack its bags and leave.

It moves in.

Unpacks.

Makes itself comfortable.

What starts as sadness becomes exhaustion.

Exhaustion becomes frustration.

Frustration becomes anger.

Anger becomes isolation.

And isolation becomes a place far darker than most people realise.

I’ve known men who could rebuild engines.

Men who could run businesses.

Men who could walk into burning buildings.

Men who would give the shirt off their back to help a stranger.

Yet those same men couldn’t say three simple words.

“I need help.”

Not because they were weak.

Because they’d spent decades being taught that strength meant suffering in silence.

What a cruel lie that is.

Real strength isn’t pretending you’re invincible.

Real strength isn’t bottling everything up until the pressure becomes unbearable.

Real strength is honesty.

It’s having the courage to say:

“I’m struggling.”

“I’m tired.”

“I’m not okay.”

And perhaps most importantly:

“I can’t do this alone.”

The strongest men I’ve ever met weren’t fearless.

They weren’t emotionless.

They weren’t made of stone.

They were human.

Beautifully, imperfectly human.

They cried when life hurt.

They talked when things became too heavy.

They reached out when they needed support.

And because of that, they survived storms that silence would never have allowed them to survive.

The reality is that men’s mental health isn’t a men’s issue.

It’s everyone’s issue.

Every husband.

Every father.

Every brother.

Every son.

Every friend sitting quietly at the end of the table laughing at the jokes while fighting battles nobody can see.

We lose far too many good men because they believed they had to carry everything alone.

Because they believed asking for help made them less of a man.

Because somebody, somewhere, taught them that “man up” was the answer.

Maybe it’s time we retired the phrase.

Maybe instead of telling men to man up, we should tell them to speak up.

To open up.

To reach out.

To show up exactly as they are.

Not as society expects them to be.

Not as some impossible version of masculinity demands.

Just as themselves.

Because there is nothing brave about suffering in silence.

And there is nothing weak about asking for help.

If you’re reading this and things feel heavy right now, I want you to know something.

You don’t have to carry it all today.

You don’t have to win every battle before breakfast.

You don’t have to have all the answers.

And you certainly don’t have to pretend.

Talk to someone.

A friend.

A partner.

A family member.

A professional.

Anyone.

Just don’t sit alone in the darkness convincing yourself that silence is strength.

It isn’t.

Never was.

The bravest thing some men will ever do is speak.

And maybe that’s what being a man should have meant all along.

Stay safe.

BC

Do not Disturb

How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?

Truth be told, I’m not always very good at knowing when it’s time to unplug from the matrix. Being autistic, I can get so focused on what I’m doing that I don’t always notice the signs until my batteries are already running low. By the time I realise I need a break, I’m usually feeling drained, overwhelmed, or struggling to process the constant noise that modern life seems determined to throw at us.

When that happens, I keep things simple. I’ll put my phone in another room, switch it to Do Not Disturb, or if I really need some peace and quiet, I’ll turn it off completely. It’s the same thing I do at night when I need to sleep. There’s something reassuring about that silence, knowing that for a little while the messages, notifications, and endless demands can wait.

The world will still be there when I switch it back on. Sometimes, giving yourself permission to step away is exactly what you need to recharge and find a little calm again.

Stay safe,

BC

Finding Faith Without Following the Crowd

Do you practice religion?

That’s always a slightly awkward question to answer, because the honest answer is…

Sort of.

I suppose the easiest way to explain it is that I have a belief system rather than following one strict path. It’s a mixture of Buddhism, witchcraft, and a lot of personal reflection and soul-searching along the way. In fact, I even wrote a book inspired by some of those ideas called Spells and Scribbles.

Now before anyone starts clutching pearls or reaching for holy water, let me say this clearly: I have absolutely no issue with mainstream religion whatsoever. If someone’s faith helps them become kinder, more compassionate, and more understanding of other people, then I genuinely think that’s a beautiful thing.

The problem only starts when belief becomes a weapon.
When it’s used to shame people.
Control people.
Exclude people.
Or hurt people for simply existing as themselves.

That part never sat right with me.

For me personally, I’ve always preferred finding my own path through life rather than being told exactly what I should think or believe. I’m not particularly good at blindly following rules anyway — anyone who knows me will probably laugh knowingly at that.

Buddhism appealed to me because there’s no angry deity standing over you with a clipboard waiting to condemn you for being human. At its heart, Buddhism recognises something incredibly honest:

Life involves suffering.

Not because we’re evil.
Not because we’re broken.
But because being human is messy and painful and complicated sometimes.

The whole point seems to be learning. Growing. Trying to become a little wiser, a little kinder, a little more aware of ourselves and the impact we have on the world around us.

Nobody is expected to be perfect.

You just do your best.

And if you stumble?
Well… you learn from it and keep going.

That makes far more sense to me than the idea of eternal punishment for simply failing at being human occasionally.

Then there’s Wicca and witchcraft, which drew me in for completely different reasons. I love the connection to nature, the seasons, the moon, the idea that the earth itself deserves respect rather than ownership.

There’s also something deeply comforting in the balance of it all. Masculine and feminine energies existing side by side, neither above the other, both equally necessary. The world works through balance. Nature teaches that constantly if you stop long enough to notice.

Honestly, both paths seem to meet in the same place eventually:

Be mindful of your actions.
Take responsibility for the harm you cause.
Show compassion where you can.
Try to leave the world a little softer than you found it.

That feels like enough spirituality for me.

The older I get, the less interested I am in who has the “correct” religion and the more interested I am in whether someone is kind to waiters, animals, strangers, and themselves.

Because I suspect whatever magic or enlightenment exists in this world probably lives there far more than it does in arguments about doctrine.

Stay safe

Bc

Wanting Less, Living More

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

People often talk about “having it all” as though it’s some finish line hidden behind a bigger house, a flashier motor, or another few zeros in the bank account.

Truth is… I don’t think that’s it at all.

Because wants and needs are two very different beasts.

A want whispers.
A need sustains.

And somewhere along the line, society convinced us they were the same thing.


To me, having it all is much simpler than people make out.

It’s being able to pay the bills each month without lying awake at 3am wondering which direct debit is about to knock you sideways.

It’s opening the fridge and knowing there’s food in there.

It’s having enough left over for little moments that make life feel human — fish and chips on the beach, an ice cream on a warm afternoon, a coffee shared with someone you love while the world rushes past unnoticed.

That’s wealth too.

Just not the kind they advertise on billboards.


Having it all is also love.

Not the Hollywood nonsense.
Not grand gestures and violins in the rain.

I mean real love.

The kind where someone stands beside you when life gets messy.
The kind where they steady you when your own mind becomes too loud.
The kind where they push you towards your dreams while reminding you not to lose yourself chasing them.

A good woman.
A true partner.
Someone who helps carry the weight of the world when your arms are tired.

That matters more than any sports car ever will.


I think the mistake many of us make is believing happiness lives somewhere else.

In the next promotion.
The next purchase.
The next achievement.

So we spend years running.

Chasing.

Grasping.

Only to discover peace was quietly sitting beside us the whole time, waiting patiently for us to notice it.

There’s an old idea found in a lot of eastern philosophy — though you don’t need to shave your head or sit on a mountain to understand it — that suffering often begins with attachment.

With wanting.

With believing life must look a certain way before we allow ourselves to be content.

And maybe that’s true.

Because the older I get, the more I realise happiness rarely arrives with fireworks.

Usually it turns up quietly.

In ordinary moments.
In enough.
In gratitude.
In learning the difference between what fills the soul and what merely fills the shopping basket.


So, is “having it all” attainable?

Yes.

But only once you stop trying to own the world and start appreciating your small corner of it.

Once you separate wants from needs…

You stop chasing peace.

And finally begin to find it.

Stay safe,

Bc

Anyone Who Needs to Be Heard

Who would you like to talk to soon?

I don’t really have anyone I’d like to talk to, unless this hypothetical offer went beyond the veil, then I’d talk to Mrs Bob’s father, as I never met the man responsible for the woman I adore.

Otherwise.

Honestly?

Anyone who needs to be heard.

Not the polished version of them either.
Not the “I’m fine” version.
Not the social media highlight reel.

I mean the exhausted version.

The bloke sat in his car for ten extra minutes because he can’t face walking into the house carrying another day on his back.

The father who hasn’t slept properly in months.

The husband who feels emotionally disconnected but doesn’t know how to explain it without sounding weak.

The businessman who calls burnout “being busy” because that sounds more acceptable.

The friend who makes everybody laugh while quietly falling apart in private.

Those people.

Because the truth is, there are a lot of men walking around carrying invisible weight while pretending it’s manageable.

And society is still incredibly good at rewarding the performance.

The bills get paid.
The shifts get worked.
The family gets looked after.
The jokes still land at the pub.
The smile still appears on cue.

Meanwhile inside?

Some men are absolutely drowning.

The dangerous part is that many don’t even recognise it anymore because struggle has become normal. Exhaustion becomes personality. Emotional shutdown becomes “just how men are.” Isolation gets dressed up as independence.

And somewhere in the middle of all that, one phrase still echoes louder than it should:

“Man up.”

It sounds harmless to some people. Motivational even. Like tough love.

But for a lot of men, what they actually hear is:

Don’t feel.
Don’t break.
Don’t talk.
Don’t let anyone see what’s happening inside you.

That’s where the damage starts.

Because many men were raised on survival before self-awareness. Responsibility before vulnerability. We learned how to endure pressure long before we learned how to process emotion.

So when life caves in — grief, divorce, redundancy, addiction, anxiety, loneliness, depression — many men don’t have the language for it.

They don’t say:

“I’m struggling.”

They disappear into silence instead.

And silence is dangerous.

Far too many good men have convinced themselves that asking for help somehow makes them less dependable, less masculine, less strong.

Personally?

I think honesty takes far more courage than pretending ever will.

It takes guts for a father to admit he’s overwhelmed.
It takes strength for a husband to say he feels disconnected.
It takes bravery for a man to ring a friend and simply say:

“I’m not doing great.”

That’s not weakness.

That’s self-awareness.

We desperately need healthier versions of masculinity now. Not softer men necessarily — just more honest ones.

Because healthy masculinity was never supposed to mean emotional suppression.

A strong man can still be disciplined.
Still dependable.
Still protective.
Still resilient.

But he should also be allowed to be human.

Allowed to feel grief without shame.
Allowed to ask for help without embarrassment.
Allowed to admit when the weight gets too heavy.

A strong man is not a man who never breaks.

A strong man is a man who stops lying about being broken.

That’s the difference.

And maybe that’s what “man up” should mean now.

Not:

“Hide your pain.”

But:

“Face your truth.”

Because too many men have spent years hearing the same message:

Be useful.
Be tough.
Be quiet.

That silence has cost lives.

The reality is painfully simple:

Before provider.
Before protector.
Before husband.
Before father.
Before leader.

Men are human beings first.

And human beings need connection. Support. Purpose. Rest. Honesty. Sometimes help.

So if you ask me who I’d like to talk to?

Anyone who needs to be heard.

Even if they don’t yet know how to say the words.

Stay safe
Bc