Tag Archives: Wicca

The Best Advice I Ever Received Was Hidden in a Book

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What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

People occasionally ask me what the best piece of advice I’ve ever received is. They’re usually expecting a memorable quote from a famous person or perhaps something a mentor once said to me.

My answer is a little different.

As I’ve often mentioned before, many years ago a girlfriend gave me a copy of Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitionerby Scott Cunningham. At the time, i couldn’t have imagined how significant that simple gift would become. It wasn’t just another book to add to the shelf; it opened my eyes to a completely different way of looking at the world.

That journey eventually led me to explore both Wicca and Buddhism. While they are very different spiritual traditions, I discovered they shared a lesson that has stayed with me ever since.

The best advice I’ve ever received is this:

Realise that peace comes from within, not from trying to change the outside world.

It’s such a simple idea, yet it takes most of us years to truly understand.

We spend so much of our lives believing happiness will arrive when circumstances improve. We tell ourselves we’ll be content when we find the perfect relationship, earn a little more money, get the promotion, move house or finally tick off the next goal.

But life has a habit of reminding us that there is always another challenge waiting around the corner.

If our peace depends entirely on the world behaving as we’d like it to, we’ll spend much of our lives disappointed.

One of my favourite Wiccan sayings captures this beautifully:

“True peace is kindled within the sacred circle; tend your inner flame, and the world will mirror calm.”

Whether you interpret the sacred circle literally or simply as the space within your own mind, the message is still the same. Before we can bring peace into our lives, we have to nurture it within ourselves.

Years later I found exactly the same wisdom expressed through Buddhism.

The Buddha taught that much of our suffering comes not from what happens to us, but from our attachment to how we think life should be. We exhaust ourselves trying to control people, situations and outcomes that were never ours to control in the first place.

The more we resist reality, the more we suffer.

The more we accept the present moment, while still doing our best to respond wisely, the more peaceful life becomes.

That doesn’t mean giving up or becoming indifferent. It means understanding where our real power lies.

We can’t control every event.

We can’t control other people.

We can’t stop change.

But we can choose how we respond.

Looking back now, I realise that the greatest lesson wasn’t simply found in the pages of Scott Cunningham’s book. It emerged through years of reading, reflection and experience. Wicca pointed me towards the importance of living in harmony with myself and the natural world. Buddhism deepened that understanding by teaching me that lasting peace isn’t something we discover outside ourselves.

It’s something we cultivate within.

So if someone asked me today what the best advice I’ve ever received is, my answer would still be the same.

Don’t spend your life trying to create the perfect world.

Instead, create peace within yourself.

Everything else becomes much easier after that.

Stay safe

Bc

The Two Things I Stopped Worrying About

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What’s something you used to worry about but don’t anymore?

There are two answers to this.

The obvious one is death.

Most people worry about it, even if they don’t admit it to themselves. It’s the one certainty we all spend our lives trying not to think about.

The difference for me is that I’ve been clinically dead.

That experience didn’t make me fearless or convince me I’m invincible. I still value my life. I still wear a seatbelt. I still look both ways before crossing the road. But it did change my relationship with death.

(Read Hello old Friend)

I no longer see it as something lurking around every corner, waiting to steal today’s happiness.

It’ll come when it comes.

Until then, I’d rather spend my energy living than worrying about the inevitable.

The second answer took much longer to conquer.

Other people’s opinions.

Again, I think most of us care far more than we’re willing to admit. We worry about saying the wrong thing, looking foolish, being judged or misunderstood. We edit ourselves before we’ve even opened our mouths.

I certainly did.

Then, about ten years ago, I started writing honestly on this blog.

Not the polished version of life.

The real one.

The struggles with mental health. Autism. PTSD. Family life. The victories, the failures, and all the wonderfully messy bits in between.

When you spend a decade opening your heart to complete strangers on the internet, something unexpected happens.

You realise the world doesn’t end.

Some people won’t like you.

Some will misunderstand you.

A few will judge you without ever really knowing you.

And that’s perfectly alright.

Because just as you’re free to have an opinion about them, they’re free to have one about you.

Turning fifty probably helped as well.

There’s something wonderfully liberating about reaching an age where you finally understand that you were never going to be everyone’s cup of tea—and you don’t actually need to be.

The people who matter already know who you are.

The people who don’t… probably never will.

Life is far too short to spend it performing for an audience you’ll never satisfy.

So these days I worry less about death.

I worry less about what strangers think.

Instead, I try to focus on something far more worthwhile.

Living a life that feels honest.

If I manage that, the rest tends to take care of itself.

Stay safe,

Bc

Ten Years of Words, Thoughts and a Journey I Never Expected

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Well, it turns out it’s my website’s birthday.

Ten years ago, I sat down and started building something from scratch. At the time, it was simply a place to put my thoughts, feelings and experiences into words — a way of making sense of the world around me after being diagnosed as Autistic. (Looking back it makes sense)

I don’t think, even in my wildest dreams, I could have imagined where that small beginning would lead me.

Ten years later, this little corner of the internet has become so much more than a website. It has become a place for connection, understanding and shared experiences. It has allowed me to tell my story, to open conversations, and to hopefully help others feel a little less alone on their own journeys.

When I first started writing, I had no idea who would read my words or where they would take me. I certainly never imagined that so many people would come along for the ride, follow my journey and offer their support along the way.

For that, I am truly grateful.

To everyone who has read a blog post, shared a story, sent a message, offered encouragement or simply taken the time to understand — thank you. Your support has meant more than you probably realise. Every interaction has been a reminder that sharing our experiences can create connections that we never expected.

Of course, there is one person who deserves a very special thank you: Mrs Bob.

Behind the scenes, she has been my constant support throughout this entire journey. She has written, proofread, made phone calls, helped shape my thoughts and, most importantly, been my neurotypical whisperer when I’ve needed someone to help translate my way of seeing the world.

She has worked tirelessly alongside me, often without recognition, and I honestly couldn’t have reached this point without her.

Looking back over these ten years, I realise this website has been a record of growth, discovery and acceptance. It has captured moments of frustration, joy, learning and everything in between.

The journey hasn’t always been straightforward, but it has always been mine.

So, on this tenth birthday, I’m not just celebrating a website. I’m celebrating the conversations started, the friendships made, the lessons learned and the incredible community that has grown around it.

Thank you for being part of my journey.

Here’s to the next chapter.

Bob

Stay safe

Bc

Ps here’s that first post I put out…

https://bob-christian.com/2016/07/31/hello/

Everything Happens… But Not Always for a Reason

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Do you think everything happens for a reason?

“Everything happens for a reason.”

It’s one of those phrases that usually arrives just after something awful has happened.

Someone loses a loved one.

A relationship ends.

A diagnosis turns life upside down.

And almost without thinking, someone says it.

“Everything happens for a reason.”

I know it’s usually meant kindly.

It’s an attempt to comfort.

To make sense of chaos.

To reassure us that the universe hasn’t completely lost the plot.

But I’ve never been entirely comfortable with it.

Not because I think life is meaningless.

Far from it.

I think the problem lies in what we mean by reason.

If by “reason” we mean that every tragedy was deliberately planned by some higher power—that every child who becomes ill, every war, every act of cruelty was intentionally designed as part of some grand blueprint—then I struggle with that idea.

Not because I lack faith in mystery.

But because it asks us to believe that unimaginable suffering was somehow necessary.

I’m not convinced.

There’s another way of looking at it, though.

Perhaps “reason” doesn’t mean purpose.

Perhaps it simply means cause.

Everything that happens has causes and conditions.

A tree doesn’t fall because the universe chose that exact tree.

It falls because roots weaken, soil shifts, fungi grow unseen beneath the surface, and eventually gravity finishes the conversation.

Human lives are much the same.

Who we become isn’t usually shaped by one dramatic moment.

It’s thousands of tiny moments.

The family we’re born into.

The kindnesses we receive.

The wounds we carry.

The books we read.

The strangers we meet.

The mistakes we survive.

Each one nudges us ever so slightly until, years later, we look in the mirror and wonder how on earth we became this particular version of ourselves.

That’s not destiny.

That’s cause and effect.

In many ways it’s far more fascinating.

It also reminds us that our own actions become part of someone else’s chain of causes.

A smile offered to a stranger.

A harsh word spoken in anger, to the driver that cut you up.

A poem that reaches someone on exactly the day they needed it.

None of these things happen in isolation.

They ripple.

Sometimes far further than we’ll ever know.

Perhaps that’s why I try to choose kindness whenever I can.

Not because I think it’ll magically make the universe reward me.

But because every action adds another thread to the web we’re all helping to weave.

Life isn’t always fair.

Bad things happen to good people.

Good things happen to difficult people.

And sometimes there isn’t an answer that satisfies us.

But there are always causes.

Always choices.

Always consequences.

Maybe that’s enough.

So no…

I don’t believe everything happens for a reason.

But I do believe everything happens because of reasons.

And understanding the difference might just change the way we understand ourselves.

Stay safe,

Bc

One Was Always Enough.

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What’s your biggest dream?

When I first started this website and began yelling into the void that is the internet, I had one dream.

Not a book deal.

Not a viral post.

Not thousands of followers hanging on every badly punctuated sentence.

Just one person.

If something I wrote found its way into the right hands, at the right time, and nudged someone towards hope instead of despair, kindness instead of bitterness, or courage instead of fear, then I reckoned the whole experiment would have been worth it.

That was the dream.

The internet has a funny way of making us believe that numbers are everything. Views. Likes. Shares. Subscribers. As though the value of a thought is measuredby the size of the crowd listening.

I’ve never been convinced.

History is full of quiet conversations that changed lives, while the loudest voices were forgotten before the ink had dried.

Over the years, I’ve had a few messages from strangers. from people who stumbled across a poem, or one of my rambling posts at exactly the moment they needed it.

“Thank you.”

Those messages mean more than you’ll ever know.

Because every single one reminds me that words still matter.

Not because they’re mine, but because honest words have a peculiar habit of finding the people they’re meant to find.

If anything I’ve written has helped you laugh when life felt heavy, think when the world demanded outrage, or believe that tomorrow might just be a little brighter than today, then you’ve given me something far greater than any statistic ever could.

You’ve allowed this grumpy old poet to live beyond his original dream.

So thank you.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for sharing the journey.

And thank you for reminding me that even when it feels like we’re all shouting into the void, sometimes the void quietly whispers back.

Stay safe

Bc

We Did This In Eighteen Minutes

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The Earth has been writing her story
for around four and a half billion years.

Mountains have risen,
oceans have learned the language of the moon,
forests have breathed in silence,
and life has patiently rehearsed
every possible way
to exist.

Then we arrived.

If all that time
were folded neatly
into a single year,

humanity
wouldn’t appear in January,
or July,
or even Christmas morning.

We would step onto the stage
with barely eighteen minutes
until midnight.

Eighteen minutes.

That’s all we’ve needed
to crown ourselves kings
of a kingdom
we didn’t build.

We point at our cities,
our satellites,
our machines that reach beyond the stars,
and call it progress.

Yet somehow,
the hands clever enough
to map distant galaxies
still struggle
to protect the soil
beneath their own feet.

We’ve spent fortunes
looking for another world
while treating this one
like somewhere we’re only passing through.

In those eighteen minutes,
entire voices
have fallen silent.

Species that survived
ice ages,
volcanoes,
asteroids,
have not survived us.

Every extinction
is another verse
removed from Earth’s oldest song.

And still,
the forests whisper.

The rivers remember.

The wind carries warnings
we keep mistaking
for background noise.

Hotter summers.

Stronger storms.

Longer droughts.

Skies that burn.

The planet isn’t seeking revenge.

She’s showing us
the consequence
of forgetting
that we belong to her,
not the other way around.

But this isn’t the end
unless we decide it is.

Because every generation
inherits a pen.

Some use it
to sign away tomorrow.

Others
write a different future.

Every tree planted.
Every river restored.
Every choice made
with something beyond ourselves in mind
becomes another sentence
in a story worth continuing.

Perhaps our eighteen minutes
will not be remembered
for how quickly we conquered,

but for the moment
we finally understood

that the greatest measure
of intelligence
was never how far
we could travel from Earth—

it was whether we learned
how to stay.

(c)BobChristian

We’re All Being Sculpted

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Do you think we’re shaped more by our experiences or by who we are?

This is one of those questions that sounds wonderfully simple.

Until you actually stop and think about it.

At first glance, most people tend to fall into one of two camps.

Some believe we’re born with a certain personality and that’s pretty much who we’ll always be.

Others argue we’re products of our environment—that life writes the story and we’re just the paper.

Personally?

I think the truth is somewhere in the middle.

But not in a neat little 50/50 split.

If I had to choose the stronger force, I’d probably say experiences do more of the sculpting.

Not because who we are doesn’t matter.

It matters enormously.

Our temperament, our natural way of seeing the world, our strengths, our vulnerabilities, the way our brains are wired… that’s the raw material we begin with. Some people are naturally cautious. Others adventurous. Some seem to feel every emotion at full volume while others process life more quietly.

Those foundations are real.

But foundations aren’t the finished house.

Life gets to work after that.

Every friendship.
Every heartbreak.
Every success.
Every failure.
Every act of kindness.
Every betrayal.

Each one leaves a mark.

Sometimes those marks are barely noticeable.

Sometimes they’re deep enough to change the entire landscape.

I’ve often found myself looking back at moments I’d rather not have experienced at all, only to realise years later they quietly taught me something I couldn’t have learned any other way. Pain has an odd habit of becoming perspective, if we’re willing to let it. Failure often teaches resilience far better than success ever could. And the people who hurt us sometimes end up teaching us the sort of compassion we never imagined we’d possess. Those aren’t lessons we’re born with. They’re earned.

That doesn’t mean everyone responds to the same experiences in the same way.

Far from it.

Give two people the exact same childhood and they’ll often become completely different adults.

Why?

Because experience doesn’t happen in isolation.

It passes through the filter of who we already are.

The naturally optimistic person may see hardship as a challenge.

The naturally anxious person may experience the same hardship as proof the world isn’t safe.

Same event.

Different interpretation.

Different outcome.

That’s the fascinating part.

Life isn’t simply happening to us.

We’re constantly interacting with it.

It’s a conversation between our nature and our experiences, with each shaping the other over time.

Perhaps that’s why human beings are so wonderfully complicated.

We’re not born as blank slates.

Nor are we trapped by the person we happened to be at birth.

We’re works in progress.

Still learning.

Still adapting.

Still being quietly reshaped by the people we meet, the places we go, and the moments that catch us completely by surprise.

So yes, I think experiences probably do more of the sculpting.

But the sculpture still depends on the stone you started with.

And maybe that’s the beautiful part.

No two pieces of stone are ever quite the same.

Stay safe,

Bc

Still Learning… Thankfully

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Are you a lifelong learner?

I’d like to think so.

Not because I have a wall full of certificates, or because I’m forever signing up for courses, but because life has a habit of reminding me just how much I still don’t know.

The older I get, the less interested I become in being right all the time.

I’d much rather understand.

That might sound like a small distinction, but I think it’s an important one.

Learning isn’t just about collecting facts. It’s about allowing new experiences to reshape old opinions. It’s about listening to people whose lives are completely different from your own and being willing to admit they might have something valuable to teach you.

Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned haven’t come from classrooms at all.

They’ve come from raising children.

From loving someone.

From making spectacular mistakes.

From living with autism long before I understood I was autistic.

From photography, where standing still and really looking at the world often reveals beauty everyone else walked straight past.

And, of course, from books.

Books have introduced me to worlds I’ll never visit, people I’ll never meet, and ideas that have quietly changed the way I see life.

One of those ideas comes from the Buddha.

Whether you see Buddhism as a religion or simply a philosophy, there’s something deeply refreshing about the idea that we’re all works in progress.

The Buddha didn’t really teach that life should be comfortable.

He taught that it could be understood.

The Four Noble Truths ask us to look honestly at suffering instead of pretending it isn’t there. The Eightfold Path isn’t a quick fix or a self-help slogan. It’s a lifelong practice of becoming a little wiser, a little kinder and a little more compassionate than we were yesterday.

I like that.

Not because I expect to become enlightened.

Let’s be honest—I still lose my patience when technology decides today is the perfect day to update itself.

But because it reminds me that growth isn’t a destination.

It’s a direction.

Too often we think learning stops when school finishes, or when we retire, or when we reach a certain age.

I think that’s when the real education begins.

Every conversation teaches us something.

Every mistake offers a lesson—assuming our pride doesn’t get in the way.

Every challenge asks us whether we’re prepared to adapt or whether we’d rather stay comfortably wrong.

For me, lifelong learning isn’t about becoming the smartest person in the room.

It’s about becoming a slightly better version of the person who walked into it.

If I can go to bed tonight knowing something I didn’t know this morning…

If I can understand another person’s perspective just a little more…

If I can show a little more compassion than I managed yesterday…

Then I’d call that a day well spent.

After all, none of us ever truly finish learning.

And perhaps that’s one of life’s greatest gifts.

Stay safe,

BC

The Weight We Choose to Carry.

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What’s one habit that has improved your life the most?

f I had to choose just one habit, it would be meditation.

Not because it gives me all the answers, but because it helps me stop fighting battles that only exist in my own mind.

For a long time, I held onto anger. I replayed conversations, revisited old hurts, and carried resentment far longer than I probably should have. I thought holding on somehow made me stronger or somehow proved I was right.

It didn’t.

It only hurt me.

The people or situations I was angry about often carried on with their lives while I carried the weight. Looking back, it seems like such a waste of energy.

Meditation changed that.

It didn’t erase the past. It simply taught me to observe my thoughts without becoming trapped by them. It reminded me that I always have a choice: hold on or let go.

Most of the time, letting go is the better option.

Not because what happened doesn’t matter, but because my peace matters more.

These days, I still get frustrated. I’m only human. But I no longer give anger a permanent home. I acknowledge it, learn what I can from it, and move forward .

That small daily practice has made me calmer, more patient, and far more present.

Funny really. I started meditating to quiet my mind.

What I discovered was that the greatest benefit wasn’t learning how to be still.

It was learning what was never worth carrying in the first place.

Stay Safe 

Bc

Ps here’s a scribble I wrote on this subject some time ago

https://bob-christian.com/2025/07/05/the-art-of-letting-go/

The Right Book at the Right Time

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What’s a piece of media (book, movie, song) that changed how you see the world?

This is a very tough choice, truth be told.

There’s obviously The Watchmen, my first ever graphic novel, which started a lifelong love affair with comic books that’s still going strong today.

Then there’s String Theory for Dummies, the book that accidentally sparked a conversation with what is now Mrs Bob.

Both of those deserve posts of their own, and I’m fairly sure I’ve rambled about them before.

But if I had to choose the one piece of media that genuinely changed the direction of my life, it would be…

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham.

This book came into my life at exactly the right moment.

At the time, my life was an absolute mess. I was going through a particularly nasty breakup, carrying around a lot of anger, hurt and resentment. Looking back, I also realise I was an autistic man who hadn’t yet been diagnosed, trying to make sense of emotions I simply didn’t have the tools to process.

Then someone showed me kindness.

A witch, who had once found comfort in the very same book herself, passed it on to me.

It wasn’t a book about casting spells that changed me.

It was a book about responsibility.

About balance.

About understanding that every action has consequences.

The lesson that has stayed with me happened shortly afterwards.

My ex broke into my home, took a lot of our belongings and trashed much of what she left behind.

The old me would probably have jumped in the car, driven straight over there and made the whole situation infinitely worse.

Instead, something clicked.

For the first time, I understood that anger wouldn’t repair my home.

It wouldn’t replace what had been stolen.

It wouldn’t heal what had happened.

All it would do was make me ill, and give the people who had hurt me the satisfaction of knowing they’d got exactly the reaction they wanted.

Walking away wasn’t weakness.

It was peace.

That one lesson changed everything.

It led me to read more about Wicca, which in turn eventually led me towards Mahāyāna Buddhism. Although they’re very different paths, both encouraged me to slow down, look inward and understand that my mental and physical wellbeing are deeply interconnected.

Those philosophies helped me become a calmer person.

A happier husband.

A better father.

A better grandfather.

They’ve also influenced the way I write, the way I see people, and the compassion I try to show others.

Without that one book…

Without the kindness of the woman who first placed it into my hands…

I honestly don’t know where I’d be.

There’s every chance I’d have let my anger make decisions for me.

And when anger starts making your decisions, the ending is rarely a good one.

Sometimes the books that change your life aren’t the bestselling novels or the classics everyone studies at school.

Sometimes they’re simply the right book…

Arriving at exactly the right time.

Stay safe,

Bc